Friday, December 31, 2010
I wonder how many times in life I haven't shared with people my true feelings. Just like me, it made my day today to know that the time and effort I put into who I am.. matters to others. It inspires me to continue on through this life doing what I feel called to do.
Yesterday I started reading a book called "Aspire" by Kevin Hall. I have met Kevin and talked briefly about what I am up to and as I get further in his book I am inspired even more to stay true to what it is that I am called here on this earth to do. There are no accidents that this book came into my energy today. Click here to get a copy of it.
Here we are going through life trying to figure out what we are good at and what calls us to action. It helps to get feedback from others because they see things that we are blind to see. That works also with being open to hearing those parts of yourself you don't particularly like. I have a hard time sometimes acknowledging those things. If I am never open to taking a look at them.. I can't change them. "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." On the flip side of that I wonder how many people have given up on themselves because no one took the time to tell them what a difference that person made in their life.
I want to thank those in my life that are willing to share with me how I have affected their life for good. Those kind words keep me going today. They help me dig deeper into my soul to create more value in inspiring others. I can tangibly feel this energy force drawing me towards sharing my story with the world. Every time I go against that, I feel resistance. Every time I stay true to it.... things flow. I am beginning to see and embrace this so called "Calling" I have been given to share the "Message of Hope" to the world.
I remember meeting a water aerobics instructor about 10 years ago who had lost a ton of weight with a 12 step program and thought to myself then that 'Oh yeah.. I am addicted to food," but never did anything about it. Here I was in this conference with about 70 other people who all struggled with this compulsion to eat, telling their stories of recovery. I couldn't help but want to jump on yet another band wagon.. so I thought. I had no idea that this time would be my last stop to my compulsive eating. Soon I found myself asking the people around me how I get a sponsor. Surprisingly, the answer I got was, "You will know when and if this is right for you and when to start." I was READY right then. Probably my compulsion coming out of me again but what the heck. At that point I just wanted to take advantage of the surge of hope I was feeling listening to all these people who had reached a level of peace around their weight and their eating. Finally I convinced someone that I was ready and I got a sponsor. Although I didn't start the program for a couple of days, I was excited. Although at the time I was seeing it just as another diet, looking back I knew deeper in my soul that this time was different.
Now almost 2 years later, I have released a total of 128 lbs and kept it off for the last 6 months and my life has completely transformed. I am very active in helping others through the same process I went through. I have a deep desire to share the message of hope and that there is relief from this compulsion I have lived with my whole life. I now live a peaceful life, free from compulsion to eat. I eat good healthy filling food which by the way my food tastes amazing. All 12 Step programs are free and we volunteer our time in assisting others as sponsors.
When I first started into this program we didn't have any live meetings here in Utah. At the end of that conference my friend and I talked about starting one out here but it took awhile to see that come about. We started our first live meeting in September of that same year 2009 and now we have 5 live meetings a week from Salt Lake county and Utah County and are the fasting growing area in the world. We know and understand how powerful this problem is and each one of us in this group feel a great amount of gratitude that we have found each other and are willing to support each other through this journey of recovery. People in this country are dying of obesity. We want to shed a light of hope with sharing our stories.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
In many ways I have experienced a total transformation in my life during the year of 2010. Not just by the massive change in my physical body... but in many areas. Spiritually, I got closer to God with all my heart and cultivating a relationship of trust by studying His words and through a heck of a lot of prayer. Sometimes life gives us challenges to bring us to our knees and teach us that God is the one in charge, not me. I would love to say that I am all POWERFUL and can make things happen but the truth of it is, I am totally POWERLESS without God. I had to turn my life over to Him and continue to do so on a daily basis. Just today, I used my surrender box to yet again, turn my will over. Since then I have felt His hand guide me as to what to do. I wonder sometimes if God shakes His head at me wondering why it takes me so long to turn to Him but he waits patiently for me to surrender on my own. I know when I do, things flow and I can be in service to him in all I do.
Another area of my life that has been transformed is my self worth. I almost can't relate to the woman I used to be. I have come soo far from that woman that didn't have any clue of her worth, feeling alone and afraid and scared to speak her truth. It has been a journey for me to learn what my worth was. Most importantly my worth has come straight from the one who created me... God. Is it ever a wonder that I might have been looking in all the wrong places? I looked to others to validate me. I thought that talents and skills made me worth something and even though they are not bad to have, what I have discovered is, those things don't make me who I am... who I am is a divine daughter of God.. PERIOD! What I discovered is that I was born valuable into this world just because I am God's creation. He has been waiting for me to discover what he has always known about me since the beginning of time.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
As I am working on developing my workshops, I have found myself a little impatient with the process. Although I know that creation takes time, I am feeling as though I should have it all figured out by now. As I listened to my different audios from my radio shows I did, I can tell the growth spurt I have experienced in the short 2 months between the shows. Wow.. I can't wait to see what happens in the next 6 months. Life doesn't necessarily function on my terms. I have to be patient with the process of creation and I am learning to keep in action and as I keep in action, something is bound to click. Something that will allow me be that light of hope to others.
I can't tell you how passionate my soul cries out to be in service to others. I guess it's because the amount of pain I have felt over my life time I hate to see others to continue to suffer. My biggest message I care to share with people is that you are not alone in your pain or whatever it is that you struggle with. Be open to allowing yourself to receive from others. We are all here on this planet to learn the art of giving and receiving. It's impossible to receive if we are not open to it.
One thing I am really pondering about this last weekend is our light side.. and our dark side. Otherwise known as our Sacred/Soul side of us and our Darkness/Shadow side. Neither one of them is good or bad they are just who we are. Without that duality, we wouldn't have any point of reference to our joy or sorrow. As we learn to embrace the shadow side we learn that there are a lot of amazing lessons to be learned. The dark side teaches us what things we still need to work out. As we learn to live in the light and be the light that we were created to be, we start to feel more peace.
If there is one thing I hear a lot from people is that people are constantly telling me I have this light about me. That light is tangible to people. I contribute that light to me living the way I do now. I eat high vibrational foods, I meditate, I spend time writing and reading and most importantly I work intentionally to be in constant contact with God and ask for his direction. The things I put in my life matter. As I embrace more of the light side (The divinity within me - my true self), I have more light to give to others.
What we focus on ALWAYS expands so it's a choice that you have. If you choose to focus on all the negative in the world, you will ALWAYS see more negative. On the contrary, if you surround yourself with positive people, sayings, words, music and tune out the negativity, you will inevitably be engulfed by more light. That is just the truth of it. You Create your own reality. Create positivity and let go of the negative. It will eat you alive. I know for me this has been a huge shift for me in my own personal life. Like I have said many times before that this last year I have turned off the tv, don't listen to the radio, am really careful about who I surround myself with and how I feel when I am around them, surround myself with good uplifting literature, listen to calming music, spend time in meditation..listening for impressions and be in service to others. This kind of life has brought me a ton of peace. Can't say it's always been easy and at the same time it's been sooo worth it.
I challenge you to look at where in your life you may find a place where you can have time to yourself. Are there things that you need to eliminate that are pulling you down or holding you back. Remember you were born into this world worthy and full of light. You hold special gifts which no one else has. Let that light shine and allow yourself the gift of being you. YOU MATTER.. to the world.. YOU MATTER TO ME.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
It's like God waits for us to get clear on our intentions of what we want to create so he can then provide us what we want. It's beautiful! It's pure creation.
ACTION FOR TODAY .... Begin your day by writing down 3 things that you want out of that day whether it's connecting with someone specific, being in service to someone or finding the joy in the journey. It matters what you do. Your results are a direct reflection of your intentions. GET CLEAR AND GET MOVING.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
We learned about how to connect with people last night on our coaching call. What a gift to be reminded of this blessing we can give to others to make them feel heard and validated. We all seek that in life. It wasn't long ago that I felt totally alone in this world in many ways. I know how it feels for me when other's are willing to take the time to truly listen to me and allow me the open space to feel what I do at any given moment of my life. I am practicing this skill and I have a ways to go but grateful for this time I have to be coached through it by Dave Blanchard.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I used to think people just got up and talked, little did I know. It takes hard work to be a good speaker, one who carries a powerful message and truly inspires people. Sometimes when I find myself in this creation stage, I get stuck, not having clarity. I have to remind myself that timing is EVERYTHING.. and many times it's God's timing not mine that ultimately is in play. Although one thing I am noticing is how many contacts have come into to help carry me through this. It almost feels like everywhere I turn people are giving me advice that is helping me along the way. What a blessing it is to have that in abundance. It helps me realize I am not alone and that whatever the message is that God wants me to share, will come to me in such clarity when it's suppose to.
This is pure surrender my friends. Surrendering to what is and to not what I WANT. Well.. even though I say that, I know the importance of putting ON PAPER... ON PURPOSE our wants and deepest desires of our hearts, because it matters. God can't drive a parked car. We have to put our intentions out there.. and then get to work. It's letting go of our agendas that can be difficult at times. I am learning one day at a time. It's a beautiful process of learning to trust in a power much greater than I.
I was driving home from Salt Lake last night and as I was trying to get on the freeway, I found myself on the freeway entrance marked for the car pool lane. It was late at night and not many people where on the road. So, in that moment I had to make a choice. I could just jump on the freeway, knowing the chances of anyone finding out or me getting caught was very slim or I could turn around and go another block to the appropriate entrance. I chose to turn around and head to the other on ramp. I just couldn't in integrity do it. See a couple of years ago I wouldn't have thought twice about doing that hoping I didn't get caught. That is what kinds of things I would do when I was in my addiction. Now, I know I can't hide. I can't hide from my own guilt of not doing the right thing. That was a lesson to me on how far I have come. As I drove down to the next possible area to turn around sure enough there was a police officer there. Isn't it funny how God works. Regardless of if anyone was around... I still would have made that decision because no matter where I am .. I can't hide from God and when I am searching and wanting God's help in my life, it doesn't serve me to go against that which I know is right.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
See I came from a family of over achievers. Most of my older siblings didn't have this overwhelming need like I did to have attention or to be accepted. I went through life wondering if I was born into the wrong family. They were homecoming kings, ASB presidents, leads in plays and overall liked by many. Then there was me that took a back seat to people wanting to be around me since I was so difficult to manage.
I look back now and so much of my heartache I created myself but at the time I didn't have the tools necessary to deal with all the many emotions going on inside of me so I turned to food as my comfort. From an early age, I began to eat away my emotions. Somehow the food gave me the needed relief from feeling rejected by those around me and thus started this enormous unhealthy association with food. It wasn't long after that time that I started to put on weight which separated me even more from my thin, healthy siblings.
Emotionally I began isolating myself. I didn't want to let anyone in for fear of further rejection. If they really knew my true feelings, I would NEVER be accepted. See from a young age I took on some very unhealthy faulty core belief systems, like.. 'I am stupid,' and 'I am not worthy of being loved or accepted,' and 'Who I am, is NOT ok,' and 'If I open up and share my true feelings, no one will want me.' It was no wonder, no matter what anyone said that was positive could never penetrate through these beliefs I had. My emotional walls were too thick for anything to get through. I held these beliefs up until these last couple of years. You can imagine how this would create some interesting experiences in life.
I wonder how many of us have similar beliefs that we picked up from a very young age and still carry with us and then wonder why we have the unhealthy relationships we do. I believe that we manifest what we believe and if we believe we are not worthy of something we will find people in our lives who will support those unhealthy core beliefs. This creates a heck of a lot of frustration. We question ourselves and often find ourselves asking the question.. 'Why does this keep happening to me?' I know I did many times.
As I went on every diet out there, trying to "Fix" the problem, I kept running myself in circles because I wasn't getting to the core of the problem. At the core of it all, were these faulty core beliefs I had picked up soo many years ago. As I have gotten into "recovery" and taken the spiritual journey I have, I am learning how to get to those core faulty beliefs and release them and then replace them with healthy beliefs. This has completely changed my life.
I can't change what I don't acknowledge. A quote that came to me about a month ago is "Living a life intentionally takes effort and dedication." It's not easy to be conscious of our thoughts and our actions. It takes not reacting but rather pondering and listening for guidance within ourselves as to what feels right and then making decisions on those impressions.
I am learning that when I am feeling uneasy about something, I need to pay attention to it and not just eat it away and ignore it. I am learning to trust my gut and to take action.
If you would have asked me a couple of years ago if I would be where I am today, I would have laughed at you and told you I had absolutely NO discipline and I couldn’t possibly be able to be where I am today. I didn't have any discipline whatsoever. I always looked at my sister who was so good at that and wondered what was wrong with me. What I didn't realize was I was full of an addiction that had a strong hold on me and had been apart of my life my entire life. Once I acknowledged it, I could then take action to cleaning it up. Just because I have addiction present in my life doesn't mean that I am a bad person. A better way of seeing addiction is it’s the "natural man" or our weaknesses. I believe God gave us weaknesses in order to teach us to rely on Him.
It has taken a lot of practice on my part.. "One day at a time" to be in recovery. I do my best to take responsibility for my actions and my thoughts. I know I am not perfect and I slip at times but the most important thing I try and remember is to get back on the horse and keep going. NEVER QUIT. Living our lives is NOT about beating ourselves up. God would NEVER want us to do that. He is a loving God who wants so badly for you to feel his unconditional love for you. He is the one constant and as I have learned to turn to him and be willing to allow him into my life, he has created a miracle out of my life. I could NOT have done this on my own. I know I tried for sooo many years and told myself that I was bad because I didn’t have the willpower. I have learned it has NOTHING to do with willpower… it’s all about my “willingness.” My willingness to get up everyday and turn my will over to God’s and allow Him to carry me. My willingness to work the program the way it is written.
I love what someone told me the other day, “God can’t drive a parked car.” As I mentioned that to someone last night in a meeting she added to it by saying, “God can’t drive a parked car especially when you have the emergency brake on and the keys not in the ignition.” So dang true. For me I had to be “WILLING” to start the car and get into action and move so that God could create the miracle. I love what someone said the other day too.. “Don’t give up before the miracle happens.” How many times in life do we give up right before the miracle happens? How many miracles don’t happen because of our lack of Faith? Never give up. Let go and let God. These are things I tell myself all the time as I hit tough times and want to give up. For me, I don’t allow much space in my thoughts for negativity. My whole life has been full of negative thinking and I am working very hard to rid myself of those thoughts. When I find myself going there in my thoughts, I quickly redirect my thoughts to positive messages about who I am and what I stand for. It helps to keep me grounded.
I can't say it has been easy and at the same time I wouldn't change one thing when it comes to my experiences in life. I know now that I was born in the absolute perfect family for me. I am blessed to have a family who loves each other and are "GOOD" people striving to make a difference in other people's lives.
It's not about the perfect family.. or the perfect upbringing. Some of you out there have experienced things I would NEVER wish upon anyone in this lifetime and at the same time I challenge you to just consider that whatever it is that you are have experienced is absolutely "PERFECT" for you and your journey. Accepting what is.. IS VITAL to your recovery. You can't change what is.. or what has happened to you but you can choose to grow from it or continue to allow it to hold you hostage.
Hang in there and know that I am just one of your fellow strugglers on the journey to recovery.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Before I started recovery, I was all over the place emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Today, I am grateful for the HUGE amount of peace I feel in my life. That is not to say that I don't have those days where I feel a huge amount of pain, fear and loneliness the only difference now is that I lead upon my Heavenly Father for strength as I hold on and wait for those feelings to pass. I heard someone say today that she used to eat her emotions. Man, that is soo true. I would do just about anything to avoid having to feel for any amount of time those types of feelings. Now I am getting really comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I am really working a lot on myself right now in going even deeper into my recovery. I am working on finding my true value and seeking it straight from God. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels about me is really none of my business. As long as I am right with God and doing what I feel I am called to do, I feel that is where I want to be.
I used to always want to be someone I wasn't. Until I started down this journey, I didn't feel I had any right to be me. What I have discovered is that being who I am, feeling what I do, and speaking my truth with others is what I am here to do. Being my authentic loving person can be more difficult at times than others. I am learning it takes practice to get this stuff down. I am grateful for the many teachers I have in my life that allow me the opportunities to grow. This life is just one big experiment. My emotions are getting tested. My physical body has totally transformed, the light in my eyes has brightened, my connection with God is clear, my uniqueness is being shown to the world, my spirit is connecting with others in a very deep way, I seek for God's approval over man's and do the very best I can to be the best person I can be. This is proving to be difficult at times but I just keep picking myself up if I fall and keep going. This life is a journey.... not a destination. I keep reminding myself of that. I wasn't created perfect and in the process, I am learning to lean more on God for my strength, believing that he will make my weaknesses into strengths.. one weakness at a time. It's possible. I have seen Him take away this compulsion I had to eat, now I am seeking relief from the other parts of me that are weak. Not bad or good.. just is.
Today, instead of writing a note to God with what I want to surrender in my life, I am writing a thank you letter for the many blessings he has given me. I decided it was about time that in this box goes all my worries I hope to trump it with my blessings. I think sometimes God may enjoy hearing those gratitude letters as well. ;)
With that... another year goes by.. "One day at a time!"
Friday, November 5, 2010
Because I have learned to love and accept me, I am learning to love and accept others as well exactly where they are. It's not my job in anyway to judge others. I try, as Og teaches, to jump into their world and see life as they may be seeing it. It helps me feel empathy. I know what it feels like to not be heard so I try my best to gift others a listening ear and to allow them to express themselves how they need to. I have always been someone that connects with others easily and I believe that has everything to do with the amount of love I have in my heart for them.
It's almost like God allowed me to go through extreme feelings of loneliness so that I would know what it feels like. I was in church the other day and a gal got up and talked about some of her struggles she has been going through. She talked about being in service to others and gave some examples of things we could do. One of which was to smile or write a note. She is quite heavy and I can only imagine how she may feel and where she is going for her comfort as she finds her way through these challenging times in her life. I ended up writing her a note, thanking her for her talk and for the angel she was in my life that day. Afterwards she came up to me and gave me a huge hug and thanked me. I have never met her before but because of what I am learning and putting into practice about having love in my heart, it allows me the space to connect with other fellow strugglers.
If only we could practice this one principle more in our lives, I feel there would be a lot more peace in this world. I love all aspects of my life. Not just the good one but I love the seemingly bad things because they are all teaching me. Knowing that all things shall give thee experience brings a lot of peace into my life.
I used to say in my work when someone would say something cross to me.. "Kill them with kindness!" That is what I did. It almost became a challenge for me and every time it was amazing to watch the miracle that occurred before my eyes. They almost didn't know how to react and eventually would come around. People just need to be loved and understood. I have not always been good at that and at times I still slip but I do my best and God makes up the rest.
Monday, October 25, 2010
"I will form good habits and become their slave."
As I began this journey, one of the very first key ingredients to my success was to put structure into my life. Scroll 1 talks a lot about forming good habits. I realized just how important this one aspect of my recovery would have on me in my life. Boy, as an addict, I hated structure. I wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and not have anyone dictate how I was to be, act or feel. What I didn't realized at the time was that I have always craved structure because I feel safer there. See the addict hates structure and so the more and more I put structure in my life, the easier I find life to live and get 10 times more done in a day. I have come to really love the good habits I have formed. Scroll 1 helps put just basic structure in place to start reprogramming those negative thoughts we all have on a daily basis. I know for me, it's helped me truly understand and get that my past doesn't determine my future and that each and every 24 hours I get to shed my old skin and start a new life. I LOVE THAT!
"I must practice the art of patience"
Also I learned that I don't have to know all the answers right now. God will provide the answers within myself as time permits. As I surround myself with people who have the skills and attributes that I want, I strive to better myself. This helps me learn more and stretch to be that person I know I can become. Living a life as an addict most of my life, patience was definitely not something I had. I have had to learn through the last year in a half to not give into the temptation of having things RIGHT NOW. This has trickled into many aspects of my life. For instance, with buying things. I used to do a lot of impulse buying. I now ask myself often when I am wanting something .. 'Is it necessary that I buy this RIGHT NOW.. or can it wait?' This principle also applies to my food. Since I started this program, I call my sponsor every day and tell her in detail what I will be eating. Some would say this is extreme. To me, it has been vital to my own recovery. By doing this, I am intentionally living my life and not reacting out of impulse. The compulsion of eating what I wanted whenever I wanted, is what got me 130 lbs overweight. So now, as I begin my day by committing my food, I am setting myself up for success. I commit my food and then get on with my life. I didn't realize til now how much of my life I had wasted on obsessing over and over and over again about food. I love that I am finally FREE from that obsession of food.
"I will begin to awake, each morning with vitality I have never known before."
This is true. I look forward to each day in a way I never have before. The level of passion in which I live now is beautiful. I often think to myself .. 'I wonder what today will bring!' It always amazes me in any given day as I reflect back on it, the marvelous miracles which I get to experience. I had to learn to keep my eyes open to God's tender mercies and the more I recognized his hand in my life, the more he blessed me with.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Today as the rain fell, I couldn't help but think of how the earth is being made clean just as I have through my journey of discovery. In many respects God has made me clean from all the junk I carried around for so many years. I relate differently with people, I love more deeply, I connect with others on a very deep level, I see the beauty in the world and in others including myself, I give more of myself and overall am open to the many blessings that come my way. This is the life I always had drempt of living but had no clue how to get it. It took me turning my will over to God and letting him do for me what I was unable to do for myself. It really was that "EASY!" It doesn't mean it happened over night. I got to where I am, taking one step at a time, living life one day at a time. I still very much live that way. I just can't afford to go back to where I used to be.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I am responsible for knowing and defending my own boundaries
I value my wants and needs
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I am realizing this also in relationships. When I am not attached to the result of any relationship, there is a freedom that takes place in my own heart. Really I just surrender to what is rather than hoping for what may or may not be.
As I am working on my book, I see this same principle of surrendering to what is coming into play. I know that the words, the stories and the flow of it all will happen exactly the way it's suppose to be. My only job is to make sure I am in a place of peace within my heart to allow this writing to flow through me. This is an interesting time for me where I am learning to let go of any and all agendas and just be a true vessel of my own truth. There are a lot of things and concepts that I have come to learn and now I am passionate about sharing it with others. Even if writing this book may just be for me, it will be perfect for me and my journey.
So as I learn to be in service to myself, I am learning that I am a Beautiful, Powerful, Passionate, Loving Caring Woman who knows her truth and speaks it! This is in many ways I new place for me. In the past when I was in my addiction, I never felt safe to be who I truly was for fear of great rejection from others. Where did these feelings come from that I wasn't worthy of others love and acceptance? Who knows, but I know a lot of us feel them. What would this world look like if we could be honest with each other and if we could share authentically at any given moment our inner thoughts? For me that's living in true integrity. I am learning along this journey of mine to speak my truth and gift others the freedom to feel what they do about it. It's a beautiful place to be.
Monday, October 4, 2010
See, it's kind of like working a muscle. In order to get stronger, I have to tear the muscle by pushing the weight with my muscles. As the muscle works, it gets torn and often hurts but then starts the process of healing. I can't expect the muscle to get stronger if I am un"willing" to work the muscle and push myself. The beautiful part of this process is that our own divine bodies know how to repair and build our muscles on their own. In the end, I am stronger and able to do more. So it is with our lives. I have had to learn to look at EVERY experience I have as an opportunity for growth. On the other side of the challenge is the strength but it has taken courage on my part to push through it.
I challenge you to turn on some inspiring music and write out a list of your own positive affirmations. Let your soul speak to you truth. Review these affirmations at times when you feel yourself forgetting your true divinity. Dig deep to find the absolute truth about you and believe that it is true. Keep digging until your soul decides its enough. It was very healing for me to have the experience I did today. I am grateful for the impression I received and my willingness to follow it.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
It is God's way of showing us that he loves and cares for us when he gives us challenges and when we choose to have the courage to take a look at the lessons and the gifts those moments have for us. I used to go to the food when I felt uncomfortable feelings like fear, pain, loneliness, now I give myself permission to feel those emotions without judgement and eventually they go away. Often times, I turn to my recovery work which includes writing, reading, making calls to trusted friends, listening to music, meditating and studying. Those are my tender mercies in life. I used to think these emotions I feel would kill me if I didn't eat over them to make them go away.. now I understand and accept that I am human and ok regardless of what I am feeling. It's all just information. Can't say I am always comfortable but I am getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. It's another tender mercy.
Each day I write down 5 tender mercies. I do this so that I am in the attitude of gratitude. The gift I receive by doing this is that I acknowledge God for what he has given me and keep myself focused on the positive things in my life... the little miracles I experience each day. I challenge you to do the same and see what a difference it makes in your own life.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Please, if I can be of any service to anyone, share this blog with them. Let them know that there is hope. It doesn't have to be just weight loss. That just happened to be what my vehicle was to gain the success I have but any of the principles I have learned will work in assisting others to getting what they want out of life. We all have struggles and things that get in our way from getting everything that we want. My weight was a big one. I will be blogging a lot more as I am writing my book and please if you have any comments, share them with me. I would love to hear from you.
I always had clothes in my closet that were too small thinking that someday I will fit in those clothes. Over the years, I accumulated really high quality nice clothes and carried them with me for 14+ years. Finally this year as I approached that size 8, I found myself moving too quickly through the sizes and suddenly these clothes that once looked sooo small were too big for me.
How often in life do we hold onto things and carry them with us that we never use. I was living in the future - a future that I passed through so fast that I didn't get to be in. I am learning to live in the moment. I can honestly say now that there is not one piece of clothing that I own that doesn't fit me. I have to admit though it's taken awhile for me to get used to the fact that I won't be losing anymore weight and that this is who I am going to be the rest of my life. I don't ever remember a time in my life that I didn't have this on my mind.
Last night I went on a hike and when it came to a steep hill, I couldn't help but revert back to the thoughts of 'I can't hike that.. I will be out of breathe. I better not go or at least if I do, I have to hide the fact that I am out of breath.' These are thoughts left over from when I carried around an extra 130 lbs. Just like my clothes, I am still living in the past or the future. A large part of my past still lives in me when I find myself having those kinds of thoughts. To help heal from this negative thinking, I do my best to stay in the present by looking around and thanking God for what it is that I DO have in life. "Gratitude is the acceptance of things as they are." I also like to add "Gratitude is accepting who I am EXACTLY where I am right now." I can't say its easy but it releases me from the heavy weight of the shame that holds me down.
Needless to say, I have no control over the past nor the future so I am learning one day at a time to take life as it comes and enjoy the journey. Life is a journey... not a destination.
Monday, September 27, 2010
So as I was running this morning, there were times when I sprinted.. times when I was at a steady jog and sometimes when I just walked. Isn't that just like life. I found myself going into my shame about the fact I wasn't sprinting and pushing myself 100% of the time but then I would catch myself and say 'you can't be running full force 100% of the time, you will burn out!' In those moments, I gave myself permission to just be where I was. During the run, I also found myself setting goals to run a certain distance, and then found myself pushing myself beyond my little milestones. I believe no matter where we are in life, is absolutely perfect for us. God is very aware of where we are and wants soo much to support us, we just have to learn to turn to him and surrender to His will.
So the song that I am listening to right this second is... "Get out of your head and into your hearts!" Isn't that soo true. "Lay down your fears.. swallow your tears and look to your heart!" I believe we have all the answers to our questions right inside of us. We were created perfectly with everything that we need to succeed. It's when we believe the lies that Satan tells us about ourselves that we get stuck. It's all just information. Take the information that your life is giving you and MOVE in a positive direction ONE STEP AT A TIME. Believe when you are in partnership with God ..that the possibilities are ENDLESS.
As for "My Own Voice" I learned today that I first need to know and appreciate who I am and what my own truth is in order to live the life that I desire. This has been a huge step in my growth this past year in a half. I can't say I am perfect at it but as I spend time each day reflecting on my thoughts and my feelings I get better at tuning into my own truths and then being vulnerable to share them with others.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
I am having so many experiences happen daily where I have shared part of my own recovery with someone and they have come back to me and said that what I shared with them has totally changed their life. I know that these experiences I have are not of me. God has put others in my life to teach me these simple principles and I am just passing them on.
As I have been working the Og Mandido principles... I have see yet another shift in my life. I am waking up with a new outlook on life. A life of abundance rather than scarcity. Looking back I realize much of my life, I have always felt like I would loose everything all the time so I clung onto it all. Now I am learning to let go... give away and share what it is that I have so that I can allow things to flow easily through me. I pray for opportunities to give out.... rather than to take from people. I often will send out energetically good energy to those I tend to resist. I feel this helps heal me of any judgements I may have. I believe we are all connected and that we can feel and affect others in a very real way with the thoughts we have towards them. If I gift good will to others.. I have good will gifted to me. It's just what I have experienced.
As I learn to understand my subconscious and conscious thoughts, I learn to make choices based on those thoughts being in balance or not balanced. This is where the Og Mandino assessment is soo important. It's a tool I am using to measure my thoughts. You can go to www.LiveonPurposeTODAY.com and take it for free if you would like. It was very powerful for me when I learned to understand my own thought processes.
Well, I am off for a weekend with the girls in the mountains so do something for yourself whether it be big or small. Learn to take care of this body that God has given you which houses your spirit. You matter to me and to God. God Bless!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
See I believe that anytime I try and control anything in my life, I soon realize I have NO CONTROL over anything so I choose to sit back and listen to the direction God gives me and then go to work doing what I am asked to do. Sometimes it's those tiny little thoughts of calling someone or researching something that turn out to be the most AMAZING blessing. I can't tell you how many times in the last couple of weeks I have just been amazed with who I have been lead to. The blessings are there, you just have to choose to ask, then listen for the messages and then ANSWER THE CALL.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
This progam has completely changed my life forever. I now dedicate a lot of my time to sharing the message of recovery. I know that there may even be some of you that are reading this that are wondering if this could work for you. After a year and a half in recovery, I have to say I have discovered that the only real thing I have had control over, is my own will. I have had to get up every morning and be "WILLING" to work the program, "WILLING" to be honest and "WILLING" to turn my life over to God. God then did the rest in releasing the 130 lbs from my body. I used to think that I was big boned and just today a friend of mine noticed how small my wrists are. I think how many times I would use that as an excuse of why I was the way I was to hide the fact I just was overweight. Not to say there are not big boned people... I just wasn't one of them.
I am soo grateful to my higher power who I call God for his strength he has given me to follow through and to be willing. I now know it's not about my power but HIS that carries me through my toughest moments in my life.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I think God continues to allow me all kinds of different experiences in life to teach me of His love for me. It's not about hurrying through life it's about taking the time for me to learn every moment of the day. The more I keep myself open to looking and searching for the lessons, the more I am able to see His hand in my life.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I remember once talking to my homeopathic about this absolute Joy I felt as I woke up every morning and looked at the mountains. I asked him if there was something wrong with me for being so Joyful. I explained to him that my father was bipolar and I was worried that this joyfulness was somehow manic he replied saying to me.. "Don't you get it... we are suppose to feel those feelings?" I was taken back by that. Was I somehow dying a slow death where I thought feeling joy in my life was somehow bad or manic? Well, that was the beginning of a long journey of joyful moments in my life. I still thank God for these beautiful mountains that surround me. There is an energy about them that brings life into my life. Being in nature for me is healing. This is why I am so passionate about bringing people to nature and allowing them to experience for themselves the healing power that is there for them.
Friday, July 30, 2010
I have been listening to a series called DreamUCamp at www.dreamuniversity.com. It's been amazing to hear all these different people who have all come to the same conclusions as I have but have come by very different paths in life. I am just thrilled to know in the bottom of my soul that there is soo much abundance in this life to go around if only we care to partake of it all.
My new mantra is "I am enough..I have enough.. and there is enough to go around in this world." What I discovered this week was that my whole life of dieting it's always been about scarcity.. not enough...can't have ..etc. As I eat today, my life if full of food - good food which fills not only my body but also my soul. I spend a lot of time in abundance when it comes to my recovery. I feel so blessed to know and feel the peace associated with that abundance. There is a real shift happening with me in the last couple of weeks and it's going to be exciting to see where I go.
I am in TOTAL surrender to God and His will for me. It will be a blast seeing what he does with me and where he leads me because I am wide open to possibilities. Few things I am very clear about and am now waiting for God to fill in all the details of it all. Life is Good.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I was listening to an interview last night as I drove home late from Salt Lake where the lady said that she has learned to just say "NO MORE" to self hatred, to self doubt to pitty and to other negative thoughts we have. I love that. There is power in saying "NO MORE!"
Today I am in such gratitude for these lessons I am learning on a daily basis. It's these beautiful gifts of self love that I am learning were always there for me to partake of... I just wasn't ready to pick them up and embrase them into my life.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I am learning to live in the present. Whenever I find myself thinking about the past or dreaming of the future, I bring myself to the present where I am grateful for the many blessings I have. Even as I type this, I am grateful for the instrumental music I am playing, the low light, the clean kitchen, and the beautiful peaceful energy that surrounds me in my place.
As with anything in life, patience is required to gain the great reward at the end. I have found as I learn to delay instant gratification, it frees me up to make healthy choices. I don't always do this but I am a lot more conscience of this addict of mine that wants things now. As I acknowledge these urges more and more... I then begin to see that I can better make healthy decisions. I am no longer a slave to those urges.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
When I was a young girl, I don't know if there was ever a time when I didn't get bucked off when I got on a horse. I think they just knew how terrified I was of them and figured they could get away with that. I didn't know how to stand for myself and be the boss. Maybe that is what my father was trying to teach me with this lesson is how to be confident in who I am.
This weekend I got bucked off. I felt the pain and then surrendered to what is and picked myself back up brushed myself off and jumped back into the saddle. Just because I got back in the saddle doesn't mean the pain of the experience went away it just shows I am "Willing" to continue.
I have found that willingness is the key to just about everything. God can't lead those who are unwilling. When I finally learned to turn my "Will" to God.. He finally stepped in and assisted me through some very tough things.
Today marks a very important step for me in my recovery and God was with me the whole time. He allowed me to be carried at times by my beautiful angels. Just when I think God isn't watching he keeps throwing in mini miracles....really they are huge miracles because I see what life would have been had it gone a different way.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
This weekend's training taught me that when I am triggered, it has NOTHING to do with that person. It's a wound within myself that isn't healed yet. So.. I go deep within myself and do some investigation into what is it that triggered those feelings of fear, lonliness and pain? As I go searching, I find times in my life that I have been judgemental towards others which really intern is a reflection of my own judgements of myself. I can't change what I don't acknowledge and until I am ready to take a closer look at these deeper feelings within myself am I able to then have the freedom to make certain choices. It's beautiful. I can't say that it is without pain because pain is inevidable but suffering is a choice.
Each day I seem to get stronger and stronger in standing for health. Not just for my own personal body but also for my mind. It's a journey not a destination it takes work. In order to truly be free from bondage I have learned it takes turning things over to God and allowing him to do for me what I am unable to do with myself.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Progress is part of the journey. The Adversary wants me to think that I have to be perfect or else I am a frailer. I understand that there are going to be days where I may fall flat on my face and those days are perfect for me because it just shows me where I am and what it is that I still need to work on. Those days when I find myself in my addict are days that I get to practice surrendering or staying stuck trying to control it. Those days give me opportunity for choices and growth. If I look at those days when I fall short and feel shame around them, I might miss the lesson all together and I don’t want to risk that. Life is truly a journey and the journey has many ups and downs. I am just grateful that I mainly have ups these days in my life.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Why is it that we think that some external being or experience is what will finally make it all right for us to move forward in our lives? Do we not have the agency to make whatever it is happen that we choose to? What keeps us stuck where we are and afraid to take risks to move in a positive manner and create unity and success in our lives? These are all questions I am pondering today.
As I am about to go into another weekend of training, I can't help but think what is it that I have created or not created in the last 4 weeks? For me, so many lessons have come my way. I have learned that I can stand up for what I believe, that I can learn to accept myself exactly where I am at any given moment, that other's are an important part of my journey, it's important for me to focus soley on what it is that I can do to contribute to our team, that I hide behind a wall of words at times and that I need to just "BE" the example and not talk about it, that showing up matters, that I am a beautiful person inside and out, it's ok to be ME, inpiring people doesn't have much to do with what I say but what I do, that resistance is part of the process of life and I have a choice on how I deal with it and I have the choice to surrender or not any given moment of my life.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
I had a conversation the other day with a friend where he asked me what my greatest accomplishment was in my life. I rattled off some exciting accomplishment I made with my team at work last year and left it at that. As he began to tell me all the things in chronological order that he had accomplished I began to think what was it that I have done to top his great accomplishments. This worried me a bit. That night as I began my evening prayers, my mind was fixated on our conversation we had had earlier.
Why is it that we base our value on things we have done in our life? This started my mind going in soo many different directions. I got out of bed and began writing an email to my friend. I started off by telling him that all those accomplishments he rattled off were not important. I believe we were born into this world valuable and regardless of what we make of our lives, it doesn't change the fact that we are of great value. It is when we put meaning to those accomplishments or talents or status that we get ourselves in trouble.
As I was driving to work the next morning, I saw every person I passed in a different way. I began to notice that even though they may be overweight, smoking, thin, beautiful or average looking.. it just didn't matter anymore. Maybe this was my God thing for that day. I began seeing people as God sees them. Of course we all have the right to make certain choices but it still doesn't change the fact that God loves us all regardless of our societal status.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I used to just react to anything and everything and give all kinds of excuses of why I would react to any given thing. I never would show any kind of restraint at all and then would blame others for how I reacted. I since now am learning what is mine and what is someone elses. I take ownership for those things in my life that I create. I identify those things that trigger me and allow myself to feel the deep emotion associated with that trigger. I hold my tongue and allow my thoughts to ponder. I seek for guidance before reacting to a situation. I know the more that I am aware of what I am experiencing the more I have the opportunity of learning from it and acting the way I feel rather than feeling in bondage to just react. I am grateful for the difference in my life because I am no longer a victim to what happens in my life, rather I am someone that is proactive in my thoughts and actions and quite intentional about what I do. I am intentional about the relationships I develop and the resentments I need to let go. I can’t change what I don’t acknowledge and acknowledging is the first step to true recovery for me.