Sunday, February 20, 2011

"Emotions are a Funny Thing" ... Oh and Men Have Emotions Too!

We all have many emotions we feel daily. It's always surprising to me to watch how we deal with them when we feel them. Some of us go into panic mode if we feel fear and some of us get conscious enough to not allow them to take us down. How do you deal with them? So back in the good old days of my life... I don't even think I thought twice about turning to unhealthy behaviors when I felt uncomfortable emotions. It was evident this last week when I was feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety that in the past I turned to food, watching tv, going to a movie, shopping among other things to avoid having to feel those feelings. Not that any of those things can't be healthy but for me they were ways for me to numb out. Now.. because of my choice to face these emotions head on it's a bit more scary AND I have come to realize that "This to shall pass." It's true, eventually I get feeling better and I get through it.

For my recovery writing lately, I have been writing on my own history of fear. I didn't realize just how much I made most of my decisions for why I did things out of fear. I don't do that much now only because of the work I have done around my life, but it still creeps in once in awhile. Fear is the opposite of faith and I am learning to really lean into my faith that God will provide the light I need on my path. Stepping into the dark can be scary at times and at the same time knowing that I am not alone has been what has kept me going.
We all have been given emotions for a reason. Accepting of them when they come can bring a lot of peace. For me it's been when I don't want to feel them or go into shame over me feeling them is when I get into trouble. Some may say that women are too emotional.. .I would say society allows space for women to express emotions but I would venture to say that men have an equal amount of emotions but  don't feel as safe to express it and to me that is a shame. If there is anything that draws me closer to a man is when he can show emotion regardless of what that emotion is. I do not judge the emotion.. rather I embrace his efforts in accepting that he has them. I have seen tooo often how men hold these emotions back because they don't feel safe or accepted. I intentionally do my best to create that open space where it's ok to be who they are and to feel what they feel. It's not mine to judge or tell them they should or should not being feeling what they do. My experience is men are starving for women to give them that space to feel safe to share openly.

As I look for just the right person to facilitate a men's retreat I am very sensitive to this subject of Men and their emotions. Sometimes I can hear that voice inside them that so badly wants to come out and speak authentically about this deep need they have to be loved and accepted too. It's not the same for them as it is for us women. We have outlets all over the place where we share our feelings and emotions and many times don't put any kind of healthy boundaries around who we share them with. Men.. where do they go to let it out.. to share and process. It's just not widely acceptable. I would love to see that change. They need healing as well.

You would think, what I have been through in my life I would have garbage around men but in fact because of the work I have done, I am in pure gratitude for men and for who they are. Men are unique in their own strengths and when we figure out what each other's roles are in a healthy way, I know we can share a beautiful life together.

1 comment:

  1. Great post Becky. True too. In my profession (relationship building education) I find that us men are much more resistant to building the intimate relationships that we need in our lives that even allow us to share our emotions. It is a barrier that I am constantly trying to help us break through.
    Being able to express emotion is a valuable key to leading a successful, happy and prosperous life. Allowing ourselves the platform to do so is definitely something that women are more gifted at than us guys!
    Thanks for the great article!