Tuesday, March 13, 2012
One of the things I have struggled with in relationships is the ability to let go and trust in masculine strength and step fully into my feminine energy. I have always LOVED adventure and in the past couple of years have come to really enjoy riding motorcyles. Now I say.. ride because I don't have any desire to drive them but that awareness didn't come to me until tonight when we were on the road and it hit me why. I have spent most of my life in the driver seat taking control and doing what needs to be done. I realized tonight in such a huge way, how much I appreciate and honor that masculine energy to lead me and how important it is and comfortable it is for me to trust in that energy.
So as we began our ride, my friend pointed out that I was a little tense and was trying too hard to lean one way or another during the turns. Once he pointed that out to me I worked on just following his lead and surrendering to him. Soon I realized how comfortable and easy it was. I didn't have to work at it at all. Most importantly it made his job as the driver much easier because he wasn't having to correct my every move.
Of course once we got somewhere he could floor it.. he did. I noticed a couple of interesting things in me. First off, my fear kicked in immediately, then as he sped up, I intentionally allowed myself to let go of that fear and be TOTALLY present in the moment. What an incredible feeling it felt to completely LET GO and feel absolute surrender. This happened several times during the night and the more I practiced it, the easier it got for me. How in the world could I really explain what that feels like?
Something else I noticed was my soul just comes alive when there is adventure and being in nature. I know I have mentioned this on several occasions, but for me, I NEED that time to get out and be with nature. Standing out by the water of Utah Lake.. and looking 360 Degrees around me at all the beautiful mountains just filled my soul in so many ways. Not to mention the sun was just setting and I had the opportunity to thank God for the blessing of living in such a beautiful country where I have the freedoms to be who I want to be and do what I want to do. As my friend and I talked about how important it is to be present, I couldn't help but be grateful for that very MOMENT in time. Several times, I thought to myself 'Could life get any better than this and how did I find myself here tonight when this wasn't my plan.' Isn't that just incredible. I try everyday to not be too attached to who I get to connect with, what I am doing and where I am suppose to be. I just allow myself to be lead in whatever direction I need to be lead.
I wasn't going to go tonight at first because I had too much going on but then another friend of mine suggested it would be good for me to get out and when it comes to adventure like that, it's really really hard for me to resist.
You know I am the only one who can change things within myself or in any relationship. I can choose to surrender and trust .. or I can choose not to.. it's up to me. I can choose to forgive, I can choose to serve or to love. I have learned that love is a choice and who I choose to spend my time with is intentional. I try my best to make sure the relationship is equally beneficial. One of the gifts I find giving to these amazing men is to acknowledge them for their goodness and their strengths and the value they bring to my life. They need to hear it and I tell them often.
I am in no hurry to jump into any kind of serious relationship and am enjoying developing true deep meaningful friendships. Just as in any relationship, there has to be a sure foundation built and I feel a lot of gratitude for the men in my life at this time. Thank you .. Thank you .. Thank you.. you know who you are!!