Thursday, November 11, 2010

1 Year Anniversary "Birthday" 11-11-10

It's been a beautiful day. Very productive in many ways. I knew something exciting would happen today and sure enough it did. I made it a year working with a sponsor and working the program as it is written. It's a total miracle. I was asked today how I did it and I did it .. with God.. "One day at a time." That is all I have control over is today and today only. Really there has been great power in that concept.

Before I started recovery, I was all over the place emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Today, I am grateful for the HUGE amount of peace I feel in my life. That is not to say that I don't have those days where I feel a huge amount of pain, fear and loneliness the only difference now is that I lead upon my Heavenly Father for strength as I hold on and wait for those feelings to pass. I heard someone say today that she used to eat her emotions. Man, that is soo true. I would do just about anything to avoid having to feel for any amount of time those types of feelings. Now I am getting really comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

I am really working a lot on myself right now in going even deeper into my recovery. I am working on finding my true value and seeking it straight from God. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or feels about me is really none of my business. As long as I am right with God and doing what I feel I am called to do, I feel that is where I want to be.

I used to always want to be someone I wasn't. Until I started down this journey, I didn't feel I had any right to be me. What I have discovered is that being who I am, feeling what I do, and speaking my truth with others is what I am here to do. Being my authentic loving person can be more difficult at times than others. I am learning it takes practice to get this stuff down. I am grateful for the many teachers I have in my life that allow me the opportunities to grow. This life is just one big experiment. My emotions are getting tested. My physical body has totally transformed, the light in my eyes has brightened, my connection with God is clear, my uniqueness is being shown to the world, my spirit is connecting with others in a very deep way, I seek for God's approval over man's and do the very best I can to be the best person I can be. This is proving to be difficult at times but I just keep picking myself up if I fall and keep going. This life is a journey.... not a destination. I keep reminding myself of that. I wasn't created perfect and in the process, I am learning to lean more on God for my strength, believing that he will make my weaknesses into strengths.. one weakness at a time. It's possible. I have seen Him take away this compulsion I had to eat, now I am seeking relief from the other parts of me that are weak. Not bad or good.. just is.

Today, instead of writing a note to God with what I want to surrender in my life, I am writing a thank you letter for the many blessings he has given me. I decided it was about time that in this box goes all my worries I hope to trump it with my blessings. I think sometimes God may enjoy hearing those gratitude letters as well. ;)

With that... another year goes by.. "One day at a time!"

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