For example let me share with you how I was feeling before I began my writing session today. So I got up knowing that today would mostly be dedicated to getting this 1st chapter of my book .. my life story.. done and I began to feel a lot of fear. Well, fear is a real emotion for me. So what I ended up doing is to not let that fear consume me but rather looked at it as "just information" and then tried to figure out where that fear was coming from. So I did some meditation, used some essential oils, prayed and listened to music. What I discovered was I was feeling fear around writing because what I wrote about today was a tough time in my life. One that had a lot of darkness to it. It was what it was and I had to face it and get it out.
Now if I would have allowed that fear to rule my life I wouldn't have been able to get 3 hours of writing done. Sometimes I have let those feelings consume me and keep me paralyzed where I can't move forward. It almost took me today but with a commitment I have made to myself and others to have this first chapter completed I knew I needed to push through it. I got into action and sure enough it started to flow. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought because I didn't judge those times in my life and if anything I felt sadness around that time because of the amount of darkness I was living in and with. It's all just information.
ACT NOW: So one of the practices I have used in the last couple of years to help identify my emotions is this simple practice of writing one time during the day that I felt any of the 9 core emotions. This is a great exercise to do with your spouse if you have one. What you do is get a piece of paper and each take a few minutes to fill in the following blanks.
Today I felt FEAR when......
Today I felt ANGER when.....
Today I felt PAIN when....
Today I felt LONELINESS when....
Today I felt SHAME (I AM bad) when.......
Today I felt GUILT (I have done something bad) when...
Today I felt JOY when....
Today I felt PASSION when...
Today I felt LOVE when...
Now something to remember during this daily check in is that there needs to be a safe space created by both parties to share these things with each other. Meaning, when one of you is sharing the other one is just there to listen. You are NOT allowed to comment on what they say or try to get the other to justify why they felt that. This is simply a check in. This has helped me greatly when it comes to getting in touch with my emotions. Again this is not about judging any of your experiences, this is to help you acknowledge and start getting conscious of those emotions you are feeling and then sharing it with your partner. Now if you don't have a partner, it's ok you can still do this by yourself.
I suggested to my sister who has a daughter that is having a hard time feeling ok with her emotions to do this exercise with her. This is a great way to teach kids it's ok to feel what they are feeling and give them validation. Often times we can't control the emotions that hit us, we can choose what we are going to do with them. For instance feeling anger is perfectly fine but what we choose to do with that anger will determine how healthy we are. Many times we place major shame around the fact that we have felt anger. Well, anger is a God given emotion so just accept that and then investigate it when it comes rather than reacting and doing something that is destructive.
From what I have experienced, this exercise helped me with accepting myself exactly where I am... feeling exactly the way I am at any given moment. For so long I have allowed others to tell me that it was not ok to feel these feelings so I ended up in the food to avoid feeling them. I went into isolation and shame over it. Allow yourself the gift of acknowledging them and you will see that the power you give to these emotions will change.
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