"The Courage to Stand"

As I talk to more and more people every day I am hearing a common theme to each of our lives. It's this principle of standing for what we believe. First we have to know what we stand for and then secondly have the courage to follow through with what we feel is right for ourselves.

When I was overweight I felt in many ways that I had to do what others wanted me to do because my opinions and who I was, was not acceptable. In many ways, I gave my power over to others whom I saw as more acceptable people. This was an indication to what I thought of myself. As I grew stronger and learned to trust in myself more, I began speaking up for myself and holding boundaries. At first this was quite scary and at times it still is.

An example of this was just this last Saturday night. A friend of mine and I decided last minute to hit the town and go country dancing. We both hadn't been for quite some time and were looking forward to having some fun. Our intentions before going were to practice having courage to stand for ourselves... meaning, if we didn't feel comfortable in dancing with someone that we would let them know. Sure enough I was challenged with this towards the end of the night. I was asked to dance by a guy whom I did not feel good about. He quickly pulled me close to him and began to dance to a slow dance. I immediately felt uncomfortable and many times I was trying to pull myself away from him but as it was a slow dance he kept pulling me closer. Instead of telling him right then that I felt uncomfortable I stuck it out til the end of the song.

I told my friend about it and mentioned that I had a hard time saying no. It wasn't but 5 minutes later that he asked me to dance again and I didn't know what to say. I guess I knew how I felt but wasn't willing to have the courage to say no. Well, he asked me again for the 3rd time and finally I told him "No thank you." He asked me one last time and again I said, "No thank you."

How often do we not have the courage to stand for ourselves? I struggled but finally got real honest with him. I guess at first I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I needed to first take care of myself. He didn't make me feel comfortable and why would I ever want to put myself in that kind of situation, when it's not serving me or him in not being honest.

I would venture to guess that many times we do things we don't want to do because we are afraid of what other people are going to think of us. One of the things we say in our 12 step program is "What other people think of us is NONE of our business." That has been hard for me at times to remember and practice that way of thinking.

Especially in dating, we give each other so many mixed messages when in reality if we could just get real and honest with each other it would make it a lot easier to communicate. This happens in marriage too that we tend to hide our true feelings for fear that how we feel won’t be accepted or will hurt the other person. Although it is true that we need to be considerate of the others feelings, we also need to find a way in expressing ourselves that our truth is expressed.

Another part of this equation is to open up the space for the other person to share honestly. When we don't feel safe in a relationship, we tend to hide our feelings. If we gift the other person the space to share honestly, we get to share our deepest desires and feelings with each other. Isn't that how we really want to be but instead we walk around life afraid to stand for ourselves. What's wrong with being who we are and feeling what we do anyway?

This has taken a great amount of practice for me to get to the point where I feel I do have a voice and it's ok for me to share it with others. If my own opinions are not accepted by others it's ok. One of the things that makes this world turn as it does is we are all different and experience life differently. It's beautiful to be in a place where I don't have to agree with everything that everyone else says.. and visa versa. I used to think I had all the answers for everyone. Now I tell people take what you can from what I have learned and leave the rest. It doesn't bother me if my opinions are not accepted as fact. I just share what I have learned and how it has changed my life and if someone can benefit from my experiences great.. if not that’s ok too.

ACT NOW: Think of a time recently where you have compromised yourself? Ask yourself the question, ‘Why didn’t I feel safe to express my true feelings and stand up for what I believe?’ By the way, this is not an exercise in beating yourself up, this is just about acknowledging when we are not speaking our truth and then making better choices the next time. It took me a couple of times dancing with this guy to get honest with myself and him. It’s all just information of where I was in that moment and eventually I had the courage to stand for myself.

Take a Day off for yourself.MPG

"Finding Joy in the Journey"

I have been thinking a lot about this topic today as I spent sometime with people who are single. It seems to me that there is this idea in our culture that if we are single somehow that means that there is something wrong with us or that we are broken. Personally, I feel very privileged and find great joy in this time I have to be single and work on developing myself. I would venture to say that if we don't learn to accept ourselves exactly where we are and who we are, no change in status is going to fill that hole.

Finding Joy in every moment of life is vital to living a happy life. I believe we are placed here on earth to have joy. Some tend to think the grass is greener somewhere else. Well, the way I look at it is I only have RIGHT NOW. I can only live in the moment and I choose to embrace what God has given me right here and now.

The question was asked today when the last time we had felt true joy? Someone answered that she had felt Joy many years ago when a friend of hers had some good things happen to her.. another said she felt joy when a guy she liked asked her out. I try and find joy each day of my life. For instance, yesterday I felt a great amount of joy as I sat and meditated over God's love for me. To have the knowledge that God knows me individually and cares what happens to me, means everything to me. I find joy in knowing that God has my back. I know that may sound funny but it's true. I know as I have turned my life over to Him, He truly has protected me and blessed me greatly. This doesn't mean I haven't had my share of challenges, it just simply means that He has lead me through them.. lightened my load... carried my burdens.

I am truly grateful for this time in my life. I have a strong feeling that it won't be long that my life will be as it is right now. I am taking advantage of it and am acknowledging the joy.. the true joy.. in each moment as I reflect on my daily gratitudes. Just as we like to be acknowledged for those things we do for others, God wants to be acknowledged for the miracles He preforms in our lives. Open your eyes.... look for the good.. not only in life but in others and as you focus on finding those moments of Joy.. you will in turn be filled with more joy than you aught to be aloud to have. It's quite fun and exciting.

I know that whether or not I am married or single, I will find Joy in my journey. I wanted so badly today to speak up and say "Change the way you look at things.. and the things you look at change." I can't help but accept people for where they are. I sometimes just want to shake them and tell them there is a whole other life on the other side of their negative thinking. This is one of my purposes in life is to share the "Message of Hope."

ACT NOW: If you haven't yet started a gratitude journal, start one. This will help you focus on the positive things happening in your life rather than everything you don't have. The present is all we have and remember what you focus on expands and I don't know about you but I would prefer to have all the positive things in my life expand than those things I really don't want.

"Service REALLY IS freedom of Bondage of self"

I know for me when I am in a place in my life where I am looking for opportunities to be in service to others. I begin each day asking to be directed to those who need help in their lives.  As I throw myself into service it helps me forget about myself and the worries I have. There is also an element of this that I have learned to balance as well. I used to think being in service 100% of the time was the way to go but I had to learn that taking care of myself too was vital to my success in life. For everyone this is different. It's been an interesting journey to find the balance to this. I used to be the type of person that NEVER asked for help and tried doing everything on my own. I am getting better at asking those around me for help. Just as I said in my title of this is that Service is freedom of bondage of self and if you are not willing to allow others to serve you, you are stopping someone else from them being able to serve. Learning to open yourself up to receive is also a very vital component to allowing energy to flow from someone else to you.

So I might have shared something that I do on a regular basis is lay in bed with my arms wide open asking to receive. I ask God to allow me to receive whatever message or inspiration or direction he has for me. I then sit and listen and allow the answers to flood into my mind. Sometimes they seem to just flow other times there is peace. It just depends on where I am. I am so grateful for this tool because it's definitely becoming one of my more useful tools as of yet.

So something that rang really true this last weekend while I was at T. Harv Eker's millionaire mind was if you want to be paid more in life, create more value for others. As I am developing my personal brand and  the services I provide it is becoming very very clear what it is that I create. I am in a place right now that I am trying to find the greatest way to create MASSIVE amounts of value for people. I have such a burning desire to be in service to others and to help lift others, it's what drives me.

So with all that said, I would like to hear from you. What is it that I can do to serve you more? What do you find most valuable that I share? What is it that you would like me to share more on? If you feel more comfortable, please email me at becky. I am very open to feedback and welcome it with open arms. @beckysampson.com

ACT NOW: Look for areas in your life where you may struggle in receiving. Next time someone wants to serve you or you have a need, express it and than allow yourself to receive. For me it was me getting a pedicure that opened up my channels of receiving for you it will be something different. I also challenge you to look for opportunities each day where you can be of assistance to others. We all need each other. I believe that with all my heart. It's all about the art of Giving and Receiving.

Need Readers

I just finished my very rough sketch of my first chapter of my book which is my story. I am looking for people willing to read my first chapter and give me feedback. Please email me at becky@beckysampson.com if you are interested.

Becky in Phoenix Arizona 25 Jan 2011.MPG

Connections..Connections.. Connections

It is becoming so important for me as I am so passionate about sharing my "My Message of Hope" with the world that I have connections. It's so fascinating to me how small this world really is. As I put myself out in the community more and meet more people, I find myself going in circles which means, people I meet know other people I already knew .. who know other people who I didn't know other people and it just keeps growing like that. It's kind of fun.

So this brings me to a point or rather a belief I have is that we are all connected in someway or another. In many ways, even though we may have different experiences we all know what it feels like to feel, Pain, Loneliness, Joy, Love, Guilt, Shame.. etc. It always fascinates me when I hear people's stories, which are different than mine, and how they somehow came to the same truth I have. It's awesome. It just goes to show that truth is truth and indeed it's true we are all connected to each other.

So what does this all mean to me? Well, when I know that we are all divinely connected I tend to be more patient with others. I tend to want to serve others more and I give my love and appreciation to others easier. It just makes my life that much more worthwhile.

"Who's got the Money Honey?'

I am still down here in Arizona at T. Harv Eckert's Millionaire Mind seminar learning about how I think about money. It's interesting to me the meaning we all put towards it. A large portion of us think that money defines us. It makes us more valuable or less valuable. Why do we allow a piece of paper to do that to us?

Another thing that hit me square between the eyes is how much my association of money has changed since I got in recovery for my food addiction. I used to be a carefree spender not thinking anything for tomorrow and just buying whatever it is that I wanted at the moment. I am an avoider now and have most things on automatic. I think it's also interesting that we end up manifesting EXACTLY what it is that we think about. Meaning, if we think money is hard to come by, sure enough it will be hard to come by. If we think that it takes hard work then sure enough, it will take hard work to acquire the money.

So what I learned tonight was that it's important to know in your relationships, who is the spender, saver or the avoider. Knowing this can solve a lot of marital problems. Talking openly about finances regardless of which category you are in is vital to the success of any marriage. It's all about communication.

"Whether you think something to be true or not.. you are right!"

Be careful what you think, because God only knows how to give you what you ask for. Your beliefs rule EVERYTHING. I am going to start looking at all my belief systems and flush out all my faulty core belief systems that I have taken on over the years. Some of them are really getting in my way and until I am able to acknowledge them and change them I will continue to get the same results as in the past.

It seems like there is a real shift in awareness in the world. More people are tapping into the power of creation as we learn to control or get conscious of our thoughts. Thoughts turn into Feelings.. that then turn into Action = Results.

ACT NOW: Look at your results and then work back so you can find your faulty core beliefs. There may be some results that are serving you really well and some that are not. This isn't a time to judge your results, they are what they are. For instance, if you are overweight, work back from that. What actions or habits do you have that contribute to the problem? What feelings do you have around your weight? What are all the thoughts you tell yourself about your weight? While you ask these questions of yourself you will find the faulty core belief system in there. Go deep in answering these questions. The deeper you go.. the better it is. When you get to the absolute core belief that is not serving you well, you need to let it go. Reframe it into the positive and say it out loud 3 times to yourself.

Anasazi Foundation - An Example of Giving Back

So.. I met the owners of the Anasazi Foundation here in Arizona tonight. What an amazing group of people. They are soo full of indian spirit it was like drinking from a spring of fresh water. I love meeting people who I know are living a life of service and passion. I seem to meet more and more of them everyday. We all have a purpose and certain gifts. The ideal world is when we all stand in our brilliance and do what we do best and concentrate on being in service to others and we would all live happier lives. Anasazi is dedicated to helping teens and families heal and find their true selves. I could feel it as Mrs. Sanchez talked to me tonight. I could feel the depth to her soul and her passion for the teens in this world and her own family. What a gift she is.

How often do we put ourselves in a place of giving rather than taking? Do we look at the world not enough to go around or that there is ample opportunity for all? It's a scarcity vs abundance thinking. I can tell you, I get that Mrs. Sanchez gets that message because she is living it.

ACT NOW...Make a list of things that you are passionate about. Look for opportunities in your life to share those things you are passionate by serving others. Share your passions verbally with those around you and get in action. We have all been given gifts and if we don't use them, they will be taken from us.

I thank the Sanchez's for their example and wish them all the success in the world in doing what they are doing. http://www.anasazi.org/.

"Sick as a dog"

Yeah.. that's me tonight. Had a really busy busy week and I think I pushed myself to the limit. I am not one to get sick very often and sure enough today is the day. It's ok though, just means I am cleaning out my system and working through somethings.

Tomorrow I am headed to Arizona to attend T Harv Eckert's Millionaire Mind Seminar so my post will be from there for the next 5 days.

Met some amazing people today at the National Speakers Association in Salt Lake City, Utah and what a blessing to rub shoulders with them. They teach me so much. I am a true believer that you have to hang out with those people who have what you want and eventually, it will all flow into your space and that is exactly what is happening. It's incredible how many people I am meeting that have come to the same truths I have but by different paths. Truth is truth and when I started really getting in touch with it and aligned, it just flows.

Goodnight and tomorrow is a new day!

My Creation space.MPG

9 Core Emotions - Acknowledging and Honoring them

So as I wrote for 3 hours straight today on my book, there were a lot of emotions around what I experienced through out those years of my life. I always say that whatever the emotions I am feeling are "JUST INFORMATION" and I don't have to put meaning to them at all. I tend to get all wrapped up in things when I attach meaning to the specific emotion.

For example let me share with you how I was feeling before I began my writing session today. So I got up knowing that today would mostly be dedicated to getting this 1st chapter of my book .. my life story.. done and I began to feel a lot of fear. Well, fear is a real emotion for me. So what I ended up doing is to not let that fear consume me but rather looked at it as "just information" and then tried to figure out where that fear was coming from. So I did some meditation, used some essential oils, prayed and listened to music. What I discovered was I was feeling fear around writing because what I wrote about today was a tough time in my life. One that had a lot of darkness to it. It was what it was and I had to face it and get it out.

Now if I would have allowed that fear to rule my life I wouldn't have been able to get 3 hours of writing done. Sometimes I have let those feelings consume me and keep me paralyzed where I can't move forward. It almost took me today but with a commitment I have made to myself and others to have this first chapter completed I knew I needed to push through it. I got into action and sure enough it started to flow. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought because I didn't judge those times in my life and if anything I felt sadness around that time because of the amount of darkness I was living in and with. It's all just information.

ACT NOW: So one of the practices I have used in the last couple of years to help identify my emotions is this simple practice of writing one time during the day that I felt any of the 9 core emotions. This is a great exercise to do with your spouse if you have one. What you do is get a piece of paper and each take a few minutes to fill in the following blanks.

Today I felt FEAR when......
Today I felt ANGER when.....
Today I felt PAIN when....
Today I felt LONELINESS when....
Today I felt SHAME (I AM bad) when.......
Today I felt GUILT (I have done something bad) when...
Today I felt JOY when....
Today I felt PASSION when...
Today I felt LOVE when...

Now something to remember during this daily check in is that there needs to be a safe space created by both parties to share these things with each other. Meaning, when one of you is sharing the other one is just there to listen. You are NOT allowed to comment on what they say or try to get the other to justify why they felt that. This is simply a check in. This has helped me greatly when it comes to getting in touch with my emotions. Again this is not about judging any of your experiences, this is to help you acknowledge and start getting conscious of those emotions you are feeling and then sharing it with your partner. Now if you don't have a partner, it's ok you can still do this by yourself.

I suggested to my sister who has a daughter that is having a hard time feeling ok with her emotions to do this exercise with her. This is a great way to teach kids it's ok to feel what they are feeling and give them validation. Often times we can't control the emotions that hit us, we can choose what we are going to do with them. For instance feeling anger is perfectly fine but what we choose to do with that anger will determine how healthy we are. Many times we place major shame around the fact that we have felt anger. Well, anger is a God given emotion so just accept that and then investigate it when it comes rather than reacting and doing something that is destructive.

From what I have experienced, this exercise helped me with accepting myself exactly where I am... feeling exactly the way I am at any given moment. For so long I have allowed others to tell me that it was not ok to feel these feelings so I ended up in the food to avoid feeling them. I went into isolation and shame over it. Allow yourself the gift of acknowledging them and you will see that the power you give to these emotions will change.

"You are Doing Better than You Think You Are!"

Isn't it interesting that we put such high expectations on ourselves to be perfect when that wasn't even part of the plan for us to be perfect. Why is it that we think if we can't be perfect than we should even try? When in reality we are probably doing better than we think we are. I remember someone told me that a few months back. Yes.. I do a lot in my life to be in recovery and Yes.. I had to acknowledge that I am doing better than I think I am .

So as I was doing my writing last week, I started making a list of all the things I put in my life to help me feel more peace around where I am. What I discovered was that with God's help, I have been blessed to be able to put a lot of helpful tools into my life on a daily basis to continue to have peace. Again, I didn't get to this point overnight. It was a process.. one step at a time.. adding one thing at a time so that when I get in a bind and find that my negative thinking is returning, that I have resources or tools I can fall back on to help me get out of it all .

I have to be honest, today I was craving food a bit. This doesn't happen much to me anymore and what I get to look at is what feelings came up for me that I would want to even get back into the food. So as I allowed those feelings to come to me of fear, I didn't react. I drank some awesome water with lime and eventually the urge left me. See.. there used to be a day where I didn't even acknowledge those feelings and would immediately go to medicate and numb myself with sugar and flour. That's truly what I was doing was numbing myself from FEELING. I was EATING my emotions. When I stopped going to the food for comfort, I took the first step to recovery. Eventually they go away. I will write more about these core emotions and a practice I use to dealing with them another day. It has been absolutely VITAL in my own recovery to just BE in the moment and know that I am ok.

As I remind myself of what I do .. and how far I have come, I feel the peace and comfort come over me. The truth of the matter is I am doing better than I think I am and as I stay in a place of gratitude for my progress not perfection, I am more patient with myself and others.

ACT NOW: Make a list of things in your life you are doing well. As you choose to focus on what you are doing well, it helps us stay grounded and in a place of gratitude. Again.. what we focus on expands and as long as you continue to focus on what you are not doing, you will get more of the frustration of what you are NOT doing. This takes practice so be patient with yourself. So.. get WRITING and keep going until you flush out ALL of the good things that bring you peace.

Be Your Dream hosted by Becky Sampson

This is an audition video I did last summer for Oprah's OWN network.

Gratitude Journal

For the past couple of months, I have been writing 5 Gratitudes down a night before I go to bed. This has been Awesome for me. It helps me think through my day and see where God's hand has been present and how he has guided me to certain people or experiences. I can't help but think that He wants recognition for the tender mercies he gives us too. Negative thinking has been a large problem for me for many years and what I have noticed is that as I have put this into practice each day, how my thoughts have turned to God's tender mercies rather than all the negative garbage I used to think about all the time. "What you focus on  expands." This goes for thinking positive thoughts too. The more I keep my eyes open for these miracles each day the more I see them.

Ever since that coaching call from Bob Proctor, I have woken up early before all my sponsee calls start and write 10 more gratitudes. I write those gratitudes in a different place than I write my nightly 5. The ones at night are mostly specific to that day meaning conversations or experiences I have had. The morning gratitudes are focused more on things, people, who I am, what I am creating... etc. It's been a beautiful habit to put into my life and it only takes a few minutes to do.

I was talking to a lady today about all these things we have in our lives that if we sat down and listed them all off, which I did the other day, it's pretty overwhelming. It's a good thing I only live just for today and not think too far into the future. For today only I put all these things into practice and I see the great blessing they are in my life.

Action Step: Get a journal or a notepad that you can put next to your bed and either in the morning or at night write a list of what you are grateful for. I would encourage you to share them daily with someone in your life. I have loved listening to what my sponsees tell me each day as they read them off to me. It encourages me to hear how God is blessing their lives as well.

"All that You Can Be"

I heard this song many many years ago and tonight while I was organizing and chopping all my veggies, I realized some things about myself. I have heard this song a million times and always thought of all the people in my life who don't see how beautiful they are. I even thought of all the ways I could help them discover their own beauty.  What I didn't see was how much I was not willing to accept my own beauty. It has been a process for me to get to a place where I am comfortable in my new skin. Why is it that I struggle with seeing this beauty within me? This message is not just to women but men also. I believe we are all created as divine beings. I have to be honest though in saying that at 266 lbs I couldn't for the life of me see any beauty within myself. No matter how many people told me otherwise my soul couldn't hear it.

So how do we work on embracing this deep inner beauty? Well, one thing I have done to help in connecting with this new self is to sit in front of the mirror and stare into my eyes and really connect with my soul. I put soo much value on what I look like on the outside that sometimes I forget to see the true value and beauty in my soul. This has helped me a lot. I know it seems silly but try it if this is something that you struggle with. I also have been praying a lot for God to reveal my true value to me. I sometimes look to others for validation that I am worthy and in reality the only true way for me to find that is to go straight to God.

I was thinking earlier today about how often when I was overweight I was afraid to extend myself in service to others. I was in so much isolation and didn't want to be with people that I would stay home and didn't feel the energy to want to give to others. One of the saying we say in 12 Step recovery work is "Service is FREEDOM of Bondage of Self." Boy is that true. I noticed that as I turned my life over to God and got into recovery, I started serving others more. It was almost as though I was coming out of the darkness and stepping into the light. I had no idea how much darkness I was in until I stepped into the light and looked back.

I am soo grateful for the many blessings I have been given as I have made the choices I have to step into healthiness. It is soo much better of a life to live. I feel alive where back then, I felt like I was slowly dying and to be honest with you I was. I was dying a slow death in many respects. Each day I was feeding my compulsion, I was taking years off of my life. My body was shutting down, my spirit was being drained and my soul was becoming numb. When I chose to surrender and get willing to work this program, God jumped in to assist me to carry my burden even when I didn't want to give it to Him. It was almost like we had to fight over it. I thought it was my job to carry the load but what I came to learn was He had already paid the price for me and has carried it and it was now time for me to "Let Go. and Let God." At first, that was very very very difficult for me to do but it was one step at a time that I learned to surrender to Him and His will for me.

Action Step: Make a list of things that you feel you are still holding onto. Take one thing on your list that you feel you are ready to surrender and to give to God. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to do it all at once.. just pick one for now and get on your knees and ask God to take it. Sit for 10 minutes in silence and let yourself feel what it feels like to connect and let go. Some people talk about imagining themselves writing the item on a balloon and then releasing it to the sky.. or you can imagine burning it. Whatever works for you and then be willing to let it go. Journal about what feelings you are having. If you don't have a journal yet, I suggest you get one. Writing has helped me a ton in the healing process.

"Who are the ANGELs in our lives?"

As I look back on my life I realize how many angels have been placed on my path to help carry me through the tough times. From teachers, to friends to friend's parents, to piers, and siblings. They come in all kinds of shapes and forms. As I ponder the last 3 years of my life, it's almost like God orchestrated it PERFECTLY to place the people into my life at the exact moment I needed them. One of the things I speak on is creating a support team of people who you feel safe with and that you trust. This is VITAL to your success.

For many years, I could not allow anyone to support me. I thought I had to do it all alone and never felt worthy of support so I pushed it away. Just 6 months ago I realized I had come a long way when it comes to allowing myself to receive in this regards.

I auditioned for Oprah's "OWN" Show and during the shooting of my audition tape, I had 3 women that came to support me. At first I felt bad for taking their time but then soon realized that they were more than happy to be there and to share this amazing moment of my life with me. One of my very special angels  grounds me when I need it. Before the shoot, she threw me in her car and played some music to help me get focused and out of my head. Even though it still took me 3 hours to shoot a total of a minute in a half of finished product, I know it helped me greatly to have that experience with her. She always seems to know EXACTLY what I need.

At one point during the filming of the audition, I was having a very difficult time and I looked over and my 3 girlfriends were kneeling in a circle on the grass praying for me. Wow.. I couldn't believe it. What an amazing blessing they were to me. None of them even said a word about this time being a waste. Before I would have made apologises for them having to be there but instead I was in a lot gratitude for their love and support they were showing.

God has brought some pretty amazing people in my life my groupie "Angels." Both male and female angels as they have taught me soo much about myself as they have given me feedback. I am a big believer that "Everything happens for a reason," and therefore each and every interaction I have with people is there to teach me.

So who are the angels in your life? Have you told them how much you appreciate them lately? If you never tell them, they will never know. I think many times we assume they know how much we appreciate them and sometimes things happen where you lose out on telling them. I make sure to show my appreciation to them and to God for the blessing they are to me.

I was talking to one of my angels today and told her if she didn't have the courage to ask me to get in the car  and go to the conference in Vegas back in Feb 2009, I may not have gotten into recovery and released the weight I have. My whole life would be different right now. I think to myself all the time.. "What if???"

I think of another angel of mine that without her I am not sure I would be here today. She was so instrumental to getting me out of denial and into the light where I could see clearly. She has literally carried me out of the darkness I was in. I tell her all the time what a blessing she is to me.

My challenge to you tonight is to make a list of the Angel's you have in your life and let them know how much you appreciate them. Write them a letter, take them to lunch or pick up the phone and tell them but do something so they know how much you appreciate the service they have rendered to you.

"Ridding ourselves of Negative Self Talk"

As I look back on my life I realize my mind was soo full of negative thinking I couldn't hear anything else. As I have done a lot of work in changing my negative thinking, I find myself experiencing a lot more gratitude. Negative thinking about everything was my drug of choice. It kept me from taking responsibility for my actions, kept me in a victim role and made me want to blame everyone else for what I was experiencing. As I sat and talked to a gal tonight, I could hear a lot of negative talk about herself. I could feel the heaviness of carrying that kind of load.

I remember so clearly those days where I would say the same things to myself as well. I wasn't judging her but wanted to, with love, express my concern to her about it. I was grateful that she was open to hearing it and who knows what will come of it.

I know from my own experience the challenge it can be to learn to reprogram our minds to think positive thoughts. Why is it that we think it's ok to talk down about ourselves? If you ask me, it all started back in the garden of Eden. Who was it that introduced shame? Too often we believe the lies that Satan tells us about what makes us worthy or of value. As I shared a little of my story to this gal, I told of a time that I set my value based on the number on the scale. No wonder I felt worthless at 266 lbs. To me I was of no value to anyone let alone myself. The last few months, I have been intentionally asking God to show me my value just from Him. I am grateful for the seed of confidence God planted in my heart.

So ..what do I do to rid myself of this Negative Self Talk? Well, for me what works is to stay in a place of gratitude for whatever life brings me. I always look to find the gift in each moment and then give God the credit for it all. I also surround myself with positive people. Seriously, it really matters who you choose to have in your life. I also surround myself with positive messages like quotes, sayings, uplifting words, and order. It feels better with those things in my life. I read good uplifting and inspiring books. I seek out people who I want to be like and cultivate those relationships. I journal about my thoughts and if they are negative I write them on a 3x5 Card and surrender them to my God Box.

Today has been a long day for me as I drove down and back from Southern Utah. Had an amazing conversation with Victoria Wynn and brainstormed about a lot. I am soo grateful for those people God is bringing into my life to teach me.


One of my many dreams came true today which was me ice skating on outdoor frozen water. Ever since I was very young, I watched "Ice Castles" over and over and over again. Dreamt of becoming an ice skater when I grew up. HUGE dream of mine. Well, it's a bit difficult to ice skate at the size I used to be but I attempted to do it when about 10 years ago a girlfriend of mine and I took 3 ice skating classes. Mind you I was 230 lbs and trying to do spins and jumps. Talk about denial. I didn't want to admit that I was that size. I bought myself some really nice skates and went often but would have to sit down a lot since my feet would hurt soo much. It was such a treat today at my goal weight to put those skates on and skate out in the open air. I loved it. If we weren't in such a hurry to get back, I would have loved to stay longer. It always amazes me how God ends up making our Dreams come true.

My 2011 Vision Boards

Ok.. so having difficulties tonight posting the picture of my vision boards so I will add it as soon as I can. Just wanted to write a few words about the power of having a Vision Board. Last year I started the process of cutting out all the phrases and pictures of what I wanted for my vision board but I never got around to actually putting it together until New Years Eve this year. I ended up with soo much stuff that I am having to make 3 HUGE posterboard for my Career, Marriage, and Spiritual. It has taken some time but let me tell you of a couple of really interesting things that have happened since I have completed them.

First off, I finished my career one on New Years Eve. As you will see when I get it posted, there is a lot on it. It has a lot to do with being in the public, having a radio show, being on TV, creating retreats in southern Utah, Making a living by Serving others, Being an example, Transformation and the attraction of Money to share with others.

I am finding that the more specific and clear I am the faster I can manifest those things into my life. It was less than 2 weeks ago that I put that together and I was just offered an opportunity to be my own host of a radio show. At first I thought to myself, 'Am I ready for this already?' I guess so... so I agreed to do it. Then these retreats. I have been working on creating something down at our families camp for almost 3 years now not knowing what it was going to look like. All of a sudden people and ideas are FLOWING to me. It is amazing how fast this process is when I got clear. I know I have said this before but it still amazes.. me this creation process. It's actually a lot of fun and doesn't one bit feel like work.

I didn't just make these for fun. I actually meditate with them daily with music. While I have piano music playing, I read everything on the board and visualize myself being in those places.. experiencing and creating what it is that I want. I have set in motion what it is that I want to create in 2011. With the speed I am manifestesting already, I can only imagine how quickly the rest of it will fall into place. Remember to think BIG. This is your own creation. It's up to you. Have fun with this.

"Being in the Flow"

Today was a perfect example of what is meant by being in the flow. Well, not to mention that it is 1.11.11 which to me is very significant. There is a sense of energy in the air that is tangible and I am so excited to be apart of it.

There are some days that it's hard to feel that flow and then I realize partly it's me that stops that flow by standing in my own way .. and other times when I am able to create that space that allows that energy to flow through me. For example it started yesterday when I had a good conversation with a friend of mine that helped me see how I was standing in my own way in moving forward. Once I made that decision to move past the garbage that was holding me back it's like being apart of a rushing river that I sometimes feel is moving so fast I can't keep up.

From the minute I got up things have just been flowing. Yes it could be the date that created that who knows all I know is that when I get clear, things just fall into place. People come into my life and are attracted naturally to what I am doing and it's effortless. It's a beautiful feeling to experience.

How often do you find yourself stuck and unable to move forward. Have you taken the time to really look at what is keeping you stuck? Do you even want to know what's causing you to be stuck? Maybe you don't want to know "YET." That's ok. As a good friend of mine has told me over and over again .."Becky you will know what you need to know when you are ready to receive the answers." This has helped ground me many times when I have wanted the answers or to get in the flow yesterday. I tend to want to push myself and to make things happen rather than let them flow naturally and live in the present instead of trying to control the future. I keep getting reminded that that is now how nature works.

One tool that has helped me a lot is something called "the Og Mandino Assessment." This assessment is a 10 minute test that you take that will tell you what thought processes you have that are out of balance and are keeping you stuck. Now.. before I go any further, one thing I have realized in telling people about this assessment is that some people really don't want to know what it is that keeping them stuck. If you are one of these people, don't waste your time. If you really are ready to learn from the information it gives you, spend the 10 minutes and take the assessment. I know for me it has made all the difference in the world because it's given me an opportunity to shift in those areas. For me right now in my life I am shifting on a daily basis. I am learning and I am growing and I see this information that the assessment gives me as "JUST INFORMATION" and that is really all it is. It casts no judgements it just give you a point to start from. If you are interested in taking it.. go to www.LiveonPurposeTODAY.com. If you have any questions, I have a coach that can over all the results. This is all free to you.

I was telling a few people today that this has been one of the biggest tools I have used in order for me to manifest what I am manifesting into my life right now. I had to get my thought processes straight and clear. Once I did that, Oh. MY.. it's been like a flowing river. I believe this is how life should be.

One other really helpful thing for me these last few days has been to meditate over my career vision board. I turn on soft piano music and spend time letting all the things on my vision board sink deep into my soul as though I am IN the dream. It's working. It really is. I spend about a total of 5-10 minutes going over that. It matters for me that I put music to it. It adds a whole other dimension to my visualization. Try it.. it is a powerful tool.

"Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway"

Many times in life we let fear rule us and keep us from moving forward. One of my favorite book in life is  "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." I love that.

F alse

E vidence

A ppearing as

R eal

Growing up at our families summer camp in southern Utah, I had a lot of opportunities to face some serious fears of mine. One being the fear of heights. From a young age I hated being up on cliffs or being up high where I feel like I could fall. It was around the age 12 or so that I started rock climbing and started to face that fear head on. I would tell myself that I could do it no matter what. What I learned was that I could do anything I put my mind to. I remember my father telling me over and over again as a child.. "There is NO SUCH thing as CAN'T." He was right. Although I got sick of hearing him tell me that. He instilled in me this "I CAN" attitude. What I realized years later is he wasn't just teaching me, these life lessons are what he taught so many of the campers that came to camp year after year.

What a great blessing it was to have him in my life. He imprinted into my heart this amazing feeling of acceptance of who I was. One of his last letters he wrote to me before he died, he told me to always stay true to who I am and to never let anyone or anything change that. He also told me that he never worried about me because I was one tough gal and he knew I would figure things out.

I believe I learned to be tough and to feel the fear and do it anyway from him. There have been times in my life I have no idea what I am doing but I do it anyway knowing that I will learn something of value through the experience. Especially right now in my life I am doing things that I have never done before nor do I have any clue how they are going to turn out. It's ok, I am learning I don't have to know what the path is going to look like to take a step onto it AND I do know that keeping in good positive action will eventually get me to where I am seeking to be.

If I let fear get in my way, I will only keep spinning my wheels and stay stuck. It's like that first step off the cliff when you are repelling. I could sit there and keep telling myself it's impossible for me to do it or I can tell myself that it's just one step and then it's all down hill from there ... LITERALLY. Don't allow fear to rule you and your decisions. Know that you have all the answers within yourself and that as you walk through the fear, there is a sense of personal accomplishment on the other side of it.

Just today I had to get clear with those things in my life that are keeping me stuck. So many fears of the unknown. A good friend of mine reminded me of how important it is shut off the world, and get to work. That is exactly what I did. I am getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable because that is where the growth is. It's literally stepping off the cliff and having no idea how you will be carried and having the faith that everything will be ok. It's scary.. I will admit and it's empowering to know that I am heading in the right direction. Eventually the light will appear as I choose stick to the task at hand and speak my truth.

My personal experience is God wants us to have pure joy in our lives and the closer I get to my goals, the scarier it gets. Doesn't mean I should give up .. just the opposite.. it's time for me to buckle down and get to work and push through those tough spots because on the other side of them is PURE JOY.

So much of what we fear never even comes to light. It's the lies that we believe and build up in our mind soo big that instead of taking one step we plant our feet firmly in the mud and stay there. Take one thing that you have been procrastinating and call a friend and ask them to be your accountability partner. Set a "by when" for when you want that done. It really works. It took my friend today to help me walk through this door that I wasn't wiling to go to til today....which door is the door of my creating what I will be sharing with the world. I thank her for her honesty and love she shared with me to help me move from where I was to now where I am.

"Willing to Suffer and Sacrifice"

This seems to be the theme of a lot of people's messages lately. How badly do you want what you want and what are you willing to do to get it. I would venture to say we are telling ourselves that achieving our goals is just never going to happen.

In the book called "Aspire" Kevin Hall challenges us to find one word that describes you. For me the word that keeps coming up is "TENACIOUS." Ok.. so many people have told me they don't know what that means and thanks to a really good friend of mine I wouldn't know either unless she told me.

Dictionary defines Tenacious as.
1. Holding fast; characterized by keeping a firm hold.
2. Pertinacious, persistent, stubborn, or obstinate.

Ok.. so I don't like to admit that I am stubborn or obstinate but at times I would say I guess I fits me to a tee. In reality to be tenacious you have to be stubborn. It is the essence of persistent.

As a girl, my father taught me a very important lesson. I grew up during the summers attending our summer camp that our family ran in southern Utah. One of the trips I liked to go on was the horse trip. Although I was scared to death of horses, we went up to one of my favorite places on earth so I dealt with my fear and went anyway. Just about every time I jumped on a horse, they just as soon bucked me off.  I would cry and not want to get back on but my father would always make me brush myself off and jump back on. I used to hate it when he would do that but I learned a really important lesson then. I learned that even though there are things in life that are tough and that may hurt when I fail at them, it's important to brush myself off and get back on the horse and keep going.

I wouldn't realize how important that lesson would be to me until year later and long after my father's death. That wasn't the only experience I have had that has taught me to be tenacious. I have failed at many things and will continue to fail at many things but there is one thing about me..it is I keep going..I NEVER QUIT.

I knew at some point I would figure out this weight issue of mine. It started when I was 7 years old and until 2 years ago I didn't have any real solid answers to what was going on with me. People would ask me if I thought I would be overweight my whole life and I would say to them that I knew somehow the answers would come to me. This 12 step program is what FINALLY worked for me. I knew I couldn't do it anymore and that I was truly powerless over my compulsion to eat unhealthy foods for me.

So when Kevin Hall writes about successful people and how they be willing to suffer and sacrifice for what they want most, I know that's true. I had to get to the point that I was willing to go to all lengths to get to the bottom of my issues with food. I can't say it's always been easy but boy do I feel free from the compulsion. I feel as though I finally  have a second chance of this life I had always dreamt of.

I used to look at thin people and think..'what do they have to worry about? Their life is perfect!' I thought being thin solved every problem out there. Although I have to say my life is soo much better these days, I still struggle from time to time. It's normal. The difference now is that I have done the hard work to get here and have now learned many helpful tools to deal with the difficult times. I live a very orderly and peaceful life.

I used to live a life of complete compulsively meaning.. no structure or boundaries. I used to have such a hard time maintaining my personal space and keeping it clean. Self care seemed like the most difficult thing for me to do. I didn't want to adhere to any kind of rules or boundaries. I saw them as restrictive. In reality as I have put structure into my life.. funny thing is it has given me TOTAL FREEDOM. I had to be willing to suffer and sacrifice things in order to put that structure into place and be free from compulsion. I do things now because I want to, not because I feel I have to or someone is making me. It's my choice to live the way I do.

Secret to Inspiring Others

Just in the last couple days, I have been thinking a lot about what the magic pill is to truly inspiring people. I  have studied a lot of very successful people as well as am now in close relationships with people who are very inspirational. What is it that makes these people so inspiring? The thing they all have in common is their desire to be in service to others and put that as a priority in their lives. With a world of "I Got Mine" mentality, it's refreshing to know there are people who don't have any hidden agendas, they just want to serve.

So I turn my attention to looking for opportunities to be in service to others. Just in the short couple of days that I have been doing my morning meditations and sending good energy to others, there has been a shift in my own energy. I seem to feel more at peace. Life just seems more fun. I don't feel like I have to push I allow things to keep flowing in and out of my space.

I used to think if I was in service to others all the time that I wouldn't be caring enough for myself. Well, to be honest with you, I spent my life caring very little for myself until now. I realize in order or me to be of any genuine service to others, I need to be in a good balanced place myself. So for today, I took care of myself by eating well, meditating, reading a good book, creating, receiving service and being in service to others. For me it's all about balance. Finding those things in my day that help me keep my mind, body and soul growing.

So grateful for where I am today in my life. It's a pretty unique place as I am learning soo many things, creating programs, workshops and keynotes. Never in a million years did I think I would be here but rooted deep in my heart I believe my soul has longed for this eternal desire of mine to "inspire others."

Loving and Accepting Others

Not a long post tonight because now that I have gotten up at 5:20am for the past couple of days, I need my beauty rest to do it again tomorrow. Just a couple of thoughts I wanted to share with you today. As I spent time with a good friend tonight who also has released over 100 lbs, we talked about the fact that the further we get into this program of recovery the more we realize that we are only responsible for ourselves. So often we want to be the one that thinks we have all the answers for others and therefore that makes us valuable. The reality of it is, we are valuable regardless and all we can share with others is our own experience, strength and hope. I have gotten to the place in life that other's choices are theirs to make. People call me all the time for my opinion on things and again I do my best to turn it back to them to find their answers. I believe we all have the answers that are right for us within us.... we just need to ask the right question and then quiet our minds enough to listen to the answers. What works for me may not work for you.. or it might. I am not attached to the result.

There was a time where I thought that everyone had to do it my way or the highway. I don't feel that way anymore. I am learning to love unconditionally regardless of other's choices. It's very freeing to be honest with you and opens such a huge space for acceptance in others. I believe I come from more of a loving place than anything. Now that doesn't mean I am perfect all the time but I make a conscious choice to be intentionally about my interactions with people.

As I move into the role of being a personal coach for others, I believe my role is to support whatever it is that you want out of your life. Honor your request and help you set up success plans to make it happen. For me if I want to get something done, I set up an accountability partner. I share what it is that I want to and then put a deadline to it and set up a follow up time to report back to them. It works just about every time. When it doesn't work is when I am unwilling to do the work. When that happens.. I pick myself up and set the goal again til it's complete. That is FORWARD MOVEMENT. I also find people in my life that have what I want and then ride their coattails. I am open to learning what they do and then do it.

I want to thank all of you that read these posts and I want to let you know I appreciate all the amazing comments you make on here and on my facebook. If there is ANYTHING I can do to be in service to you, please let me know. I truly have dedicated my life to be in service to others. It makes for a pretty exciting fulfilling life that is for sure.

BexProspertysummit.AVI

Meeting Sean Stevenson Sep 2009

I remember the day I met Sean Stevenson. He is an incredible individual. He is soo funny and inspiring all at the same time. I swear every time he posts on facebook, I feel like I am drinking from a fire hose of pure wisdom. The day I met him I had told him that I wanted to write a book and get speaking on the circuit and he gave me his personal number (He probably does that with any girl knowing him) and what that did for me was gave me a boost of confidence that I could do it. At the time I felt like I had a story to share but what I didn't realize at the time was my story was just beginning. A year in a half later, I am a totally different person. That day though, I felt his genuine concern and acceptance for me and his willingness to help in anyway he could. I keep finding more and more people like this. People who truly care to be in service to me. What I have noticed in myself is that it makes me want to serve others more. It's like my capacity to open myself up to serve more gets bigger and bigger. It's abundant no longer scarcity. It's funny how that works. On the drive to Arizona to meet Sean Stevenson at a conference, I listened to his book called Get off your "But." Awesome Read! Highly.. highly recommend it.

If you want to learn more about Sean go to his website at http://www.timetostand.com/.

Manifesting

I woke up at 5:20 am this morning and decided to take on the challenge that Bob Proctor talked about last night on a coaching call. I woke up did the 3 things which were...

1-1st thing out of bed - write 10 things you are grateful for
2-Sit in silence for 5 Minutes - Take Direction
3-Send good positive energy to people who bug you in your life. (I imagine that person being in front of me and as I look into their eyes, I imagine myself saying to them.. "I love you, I accept you for exactly who you are and thank you for being apart of my life.")

If you would like to listen to the call click here

I did that this morning and WOW .. what a difference it made in my day today. Talk about being manifesting. I was so connected to source or otherwise known as God. I feel the connections I made today were absolutely perfect. It's interesting the more clear I get with my vision and goals, the quicker things start manifesting. I know I have heard many people talk about this and at the same time only experience it here and there. I have to say the more I keep my self centered, clear and connected the quicker this process comes about.

So when it comes to these connections, it's only been about 5 months that I really have been actively working to get my message of hope out to the world. I believe it all began when I met a good friend of mine. It almost seems as though everything shifted for me then. He happens to have been a very public speaker for the past 7 years and has traveled all over the world. From that point, I started to meet all kinds of public speakers and it has just exploded.

Joining NSA (National Speakers Association) was one of the best decisions I have made for making connections and learning from the best. I guess I have had a desire to be a public speaker for awhile but had no idea how it was all going to come together. Now I am talking on a daily basis to people that are pros at what they do and love it. This world of speakers is VERY small. Within the last 5 months it's been interesting to see who I have been able to meet and connect with and learn from.

I tell you all this because for  me it all started with a DESIRE to be something.. a speaker. All tangible things start out as thoughts and then they move into the physical world as we start looking for evidences of them showing up. I can't tell you how many successful people have shared that in order to manifest or create a certain outcome it begins with having the desire.. the thought and then believing .. truly believing that it will come about. "What we focus on expands." This applies to our goals as well. When we get clear on what we want and the "Why" we want those things is big enough, people (connections) start flowing into your energy at a rate that you never thought was possible.

For instance, this applies also to weight loss. If your goal is to "release" weight, set the intention, know the why you want it and then get to work and be in action and God will direct you to a certain person or a program you need to accomplish your goal. If you are not willing to do what's necessary to get the results than from my experience it doesn't work.

I will be writing more about this another night but just a few thoughts I have had today on the subject. Picked up a bunch of his Books "Aspire" from Kevin Hall today. He is such a neat guy. I highly recommend getting his book. It will change your life. I know how much it affected me last week as I began studying it. For any of you that would like to listen into Kevin's weekly coaching calls (which are awesome by the way) I got permission from him to invite you to attend them by clicking "The Power of Words" website and sign up for his newsletter and they will email you the links so you can listen to them and download them if you would like.

It's been an awesome day and I am sending all my love and appreciation to all of you out there. I know life can be tough but I will end with this last thought.

As I was on one of my sponsee calls this morning I was reminded of a lesson my father taught me many years ago in life about .."Whether you think you CAN or whether you think you CAN'T... you're right!" I kept hearing my sponsee say to me, "I can't this.. and I can't that." I have to say back to her, "If you say so." It's true when we tell ourselves we can't do something sure enough we open the space to give us what we ask for. It's like the line from a movie .."As you Wish." Well, God works the same way. He only knows how to give you what you ask for.
So be more aware of those thoughts in your head and how you phrase things. It truly does matter. It's the energy you put around those thoughts that create your results. Just a thought. Til tomorrow.... Keep on Creating.

"Thinking into Results" - Bob Proctor

So tonight I got on a coaching call with Kevin Hall -(Author of "Aspire") and Bob Proctor from "The Secret." It was awesome. Two amazing men. Kevin and I met a couple of months ago and he counseled me  on getting my story out. What an amazing man with such a huge heart. I loved listening to these two men tonight talk about what it means to live an abundant life.

It all starts with what you put out in the world. Do you create value? Do you look for opportunities to serve others? What thoughts are you entertaining everyday? You get back what you put out. It's true. This is what I have experienced. As I learn to give and serve more I am then open to receive. Energy likes to flow. If we give give give and then not allow ourselves to receive we have stopped the flow of energy. Likewise if we take take take.. and never give out we also stop the flow and often we feel a lot of frustration in our lives.

One thing that Kevin said tonight really resonated with me which was, "If I want to be free, I want to be me." You know, I am realizing how difficult it is for me to, first, find out who I am and then secondly to learn to stand in my own truth without wavering. This has taken time. Trial and error really. Sometimes I am strong and other times I find myself giving into certain things and losing my center. It's all just information and I take it as such.

Bob talked a lot about rejoicing in other's successes. I know for me sometimes I get limited with the idea that if someone else wins that I must lose or visa versa. If I win someone else must lose. I am intentionally working on shifting that mindset from scarcity to abundance. There is enough in this world to go around. Interesting to think though where did I adopt the idea that everything is a win lose situation. That's my black and white thinking that gets the best of me.

I am realizing that when I am in the flow, I serve others with all my heart. I care about what others care about and spend the time to validate them and make them feel heard. We all have this innate need to be heard and validated. I have seen some amazing shifts with people lately as I have been doing my best to just listen and try to hear what people are NOT saying. Not judge their words or their actions but serve them in anyway I can. It's actually quite fun to be honest with you. When I let go of my own agendas and put myself in a space of acceptance and service, my soul rejoices.

Towards the end of the call Bob talked specifically about something that came to him recently which I am going to start doing first thing tomorrow morning. He called it "Thinking into Results."

Step 1 .... First thing when you wake up write 10 things you are grateful for
Step 2 .... Be quiet for 5 minutes and ask for guidance
Step 3 .... Send love to those who bother you! -This is the clincher. I have a feeling that this is where most of the shifting is going to happen.

A few months ago I blogged about an experience I had while driving, when I was stopped at a light and my attention was turned to a man smoking on the corner. I thought to myself, 'doesn't this guy know that's not healthy for him?' I found my judgments coming to the service as that thought crossed my mind so right then in that moment I decided I wanted to send good energy his way so I said silently to myself ,'I love you... I accept you.. and thank you for being apart of my life.' I can't even begin to tell you what that has done for me. I began to realize when I get triggered by others it's really my own stuff that I get to look at. Smoking isn't healthy but it's not place to judge where that man is in his life. He chooses to smoke.. I chose to eat. We are the same. I learned that day to be in service to those who I judge or get triggered by. It's been a great practice for me.

I spend quite a bit of time nourishing my mind with these coaching calls or books I am reading or connecting with different people. It keeps my mind active and in the positive. While meditating last night I got some clarity when it comes to my platform and what I will be speaking on as I travel around the world telling my message of hope.

So I challenge you if it resonates with you to take on Bob's suggestions. I am going to start my day off in this 3 step process and see how it goes. Feel free to make a comment on how it worked for you.

Change or Die

Strong words I know but that was where I was back in February 2009. Sometimes we need to get to the absolute rock bottom before we turn our will over to God. What is it that we fear so much in giving that will over to God? I know for me it was the fear of losing control. Funny thing is that when I finally got willing to turn my will over, He then gave me the strength to overcome.
I mentioned in my last blog that I had a case of Candida and eventually that was going to turn into cancer and still I just couldn't find it within myself to let go and let God. I was in the darkest time of my life back then. My marriage was so unhealthy, I was eating myself to death, I had isolated myself from the world and from just about everything that had ever meant something to me and was buried in serious denial. I didn't know what I didn't know. I was hurting others because I was hurting deep inside. I didn't know how to stop what I was doing; I just knew something had to change.

Thank God for Angels. Even though I felt so alone and that God had abandoned me he still sent Angels into my life to help carry me through it. I look back now and see exactly when he started planting them in my life so that in the right moment they would be able to serve me in the ways I needed. For some of you, this blog and my writing may be a form of service to you. Maybe there is a reason you have been led to me and my own personal story. I can tell you from my experience, I feel very very drawn to write to you each day. It's almost as though I know you without knowing you. I feel your pain, I feel your frustration and desire sometimes to just give up and give into that darkness that takes hold of you. Well, I don't care to give much time and credit to this dark side although we all have darkness around us. I choose to live in the light and put things in place to bring me light which ultimately brings me life.

Whether you want to believe it or not, you have the ability to choose whether you live in light or darkness. When you align yourself with the powers of Heaven and allow His healing power to accompany you, He is all powerful and can create a miracle in your life. One thing he WON'T do is take your agency away from you so if you are not willing to turn to Him he will not force you to. I am one stubborn girl and it took me years to get willing but when I did, the miracle happened. "Don't give up before the miracle happens in your life." I sometimes wonder if God just shakes his head at me when he sees the choices I make. He sees the entire picture.... I only can see what I can see which is very limited. I have had to learn that God knows what's best for me and as I trust in Him, He shows me the way.

Change or Die may or may not apply to you but for me it was reality. I was slowly dying. For some of you, there are thing in your life that may or may not be weight related, that are killing you. It could be an abusive relationship or loneliness or isolation or workaholics, self esteem, debt, family problems, other addictions, or just about anything that keeps you in your own personal darkness. These issues in life are life and as you choose to look at them as gifts rather than punishments, I promise you.. you will experience a major shift in your thinking. Ask yourself, 'what is it that I need to learn from this situation?' Sometimes I ask myself, 'Why is this person in my life? What are they here to teach me?' When I ponder over my answers to these questions, I find clarity and peace. Life can be difficult. I have experienced it. I still experience it at times; the difference now is I am spending more of my time in the light because of what I choose to focus my attention on.

I personally do a lot of writing on a daily basis. Now more that I am blogging everyday but in my own personal recovery, I do recovery reading and writing daily. This keeps my mind processing. Since I was very young, I started a journal. Up until I got married, I had written a total of 20 journals. Writing was a way for me to express myself since I lived in so much isolation from a young age. Once I got married and saw signs of abuse right away, I didn't dare write that in black and white for fear someone would find out. I wrote a total of about 10 entries in 7 years of marriage. That just tells you how much I isolated and kept things to myself. Although people close to me saw signs of it all, they never really knew the truth of what we were creating in our marriage. I say WE because it took both of us to create sickness. I literally was dying. I could feel it but couldn't for the life of me figure out how to get out of it. Part of me didn't want to get out of it because I feared too much being alone. It was better to be in an abusive marriage than to face being alone forever. I had looked at friends of mine who were gorgeous and they were struggling dating, I often would ask myself the question, "if they can't get married, there is no chance of me EVER getting married.' Obviously, I don't feel that way any longer.

There are all kinds of things in our lives that we know are unhealthy for us but we still do them because we fear change. I am here to tell you that as I started to stand for myself and understand and acknowledge my own personal worth that was when the strength came to surrender to God's will for me. It was very difficult at times AND God provided beautiful Angels to be there to walk hand in hand with me through the process. My story is unique to me and doesn't have to be your story but take time to acknowledge those people that God has placed in your life to help you. Be open to allowing them to be there for you. For many of you if you are anything like me, I REALLY struggled with allowing myself to receive. Just as recent as a couple of weeks ago when I got a pedicure, I was really up against it because I couldn't see that I was worth paying someone $30 to take care of my feet in the dead of winter. Funny thing is it wasn't even my own money I was having a hard time giving up. A friend of mine gave me the money to go and get them done.
I still am learning and growing. We learn and grow side by side with each other through this journey. I do believe that we are all here to help one another. You help me... I help you. Every day I ask God to place me in people's lives that I may inspire and serve them. It's what I live for. I look for opportunities to be in service and then I thank God when those opportunities come.

The number of people reading this blog has sky rocked almost overnight and I can't tell you how much that means to me. It is a miracle and just is one more indication that I am doing God's work. Please share this blog with others that may benefit from my writings. My soul purpose in life is the Inspire

Others and to bring a Message of Hope to those still struggling and you are showing me that I am on the path in accomplishing my purpose.

"JUST for TODAY"

 

  Just for Today  Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
 and not tackle my whole life problem
 at once. I can do something for twelve hours
 that would appall me if I felt that I had to
 keep it up for a lifetime.

  Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to
 be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that
 "most folks are as happy as they make up
 their minds to be."
     Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind.
 I will study. I will learn something useful.
 I will not be a mental loafer. I will read
 something that requires effort, thought and
 concentration.
   Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is,
 and not try to adjust everything to my own
 desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes,
 and fit myself to it.
   Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
 ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and
 not get found out. I will do at least two
 things I don't want to--just for exercise.
 I will not show anyone that my feelings are
 hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not
 show it
   Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look
 as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
 act courteously, criticize not one bit, not
 find fault with anything and not try to improve
 or regulate anybody except myself.
   Just for today, I will have a program. I may not
 follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will
 save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
   Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all
 by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
 sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
 of my life.
   Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
 will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
 and to believe that as I give to the world, so
 the world will give to me. 

While it's almost been 2 years I have been in a 12 step recovery program, I still remember when I first was taught this principle of "Just for Today."

After a day at the 12 Step conference in Las Vegas back in February 2009, I was pretty much freaking out. I kept thinking to myself, 'How in the world could I ever get off sugar and flour?'

Here were all these amazing people telling their stories about how they hadn't had sugar or flour for 4 years.. 8 years.. 12 years. How could that be? Here I was someone that couldn't imagine not eating sugar and flour. I had grown up with that being my comfort food. I know that this sounds funny but at the time I was binging on muffins. I would make a batch of muffins and hurry and eat them all before my former husband would take them from me. After trying to wrap this concept of NEVER AGAIN eating sugar and flour, I turned to my good friend and said.. "I can't EVER have a muffin again?" Her response with all the love in her heart said to me, "Just not Today." I felt a HUGE amount of weight fall from my shoulders which at the time seemed to be holding me down. I thought to myself.. 'I can do this just for today.' I felt a calming relief and since then that one day has turned into two and then three and so on. 128 lbs later and out of the food I realized I can only do this program one day at a time. If I sit here and think about doing this for a lifetime it is OVERWELMING and I want to give up now. There is power is keeping present in the moment. This one aspect of my recovery has got me through a lot of tough days.

Just 3 months prior to my attending this conference for food addiction, I had visited my homeopathic to find answers to why I hadn't been able to get pregnant for 6 years. Little did I know the visit took a different turn than I had expected. He informed me that I had a very bad case of candida. I remember thinking to myself, 'What the heck is candida?' He explained to me that candida fed off of sugar and suggested that I get off the sugar right away. Immediately I told him there was NO WAY I was giving up my sugar. I didn't realize it at the time that I was heavily addicted but looking back that sure sounds like someone addicted to it. I told him right then that I wasn't going off sugar so he would have to give me something else to get rid of it. He laughed at me and said what he had in mind wasn't pleasant but it would work. He printed out the recipe which included baking soda and maple syrup for me to make and then eat. He warned me that it was horrible tasting but I told him I would try it instead off giving up the sugar.

Boy did I get a rude awakening! I made the so called magic candy and even duct tape my nose so I wouldn't have to taste it but it was horrible. I called my homeopathic back and said, "Doc, what else can you give me because I can't stomach this stuff." He laughed and suggested maybe I should put it in pill form and take it that way. So sure enough I took the candy pieces and put them in my blender and then proceeded to fill up 25 capsules worth for one serving. I tell you this, because look at the lengths I was willing to go to to NOT have to give up sugar. The pill thing only worked for a day or two then I gave up on that and just dealt with the fact I had a horrible case of candida and left it at that.

It's interesting just months later how God works. After I started my 12 step recovery program, I ended up back in my homeopathic's office telling him the whole story. He just laughed at me and smiled. With as bad of a case my candida had gotten, I was close to getting cancer. Isn't that interesting that even with a threat of cancer I still wouldn't let go of the sugar. For me the sugar is all I ever knew. I had always dreamt of living a healthy life and looked up to "those" people that had the discipline to eat healthy but couldn't figure it out for myself until I got into recovery. Now it makes perfect sense. For me the sugar and the flour acted as a drug to my body. I couldn't just take some and stop at that as a so called "normal" person could. I had to have the whole bag or the entire bar and leave nothing sitting around.

Towards the end of my compulsive eating days, I would wait til my husband would go to sleep and run off to the store and buy whatever it was that I was in the mood to binge on and then come home, watch tv and eat the whole thing til I got cankers in my mouth which made it difficult to eat the next day. I don't know how conscious I was at the time but looking back there were soo many emotions I wanted to run away from and avoid and for me eating took them away. I didn't know at the time either that I had married a compulsive eater, so for 7 years we fed each other as well as fought over food constantly. Although I am divorced now he still mentions to me that I would buy him junk food to justify the junk food I would buy for myself. It is true. I had to justify what I was doing and make it so he wouldn't get on my case.

So for me the way I live my life in all aspects is to keep present and live "Just for Today." Just for today I can be happy, grateful and take care of myself. 

"Gratitude is the acceptance of things as they are." - Becky Sampson

Decisions Determine our Destiny

I was at a dear friend of mine's funeral a couple of months ago when one of his siblings was reading from his planner.... "Our Decisions Determine our Destiny." It hit me so strongly that day how true that is. What I choose to do in this moment has an affect on the rest of my life. How I treat people, how I treat myself, how I love others, how do I spend my time? I am very intentional about what I do with my time everyday. I often ask myself the question..'is what I am doing in this moment moving me towards my goals or away from my goals?' I know also in my gut how it feels when I am on track and most definitely when I am not. Not to say there isn't time for down time because there is but how I choose to spend my time and with whom I spend time with matters. I think back to the life my dear friend lead. Interesting to me that he wrote that in his planner because he was the example of someone who never sat ideally in life. He had accomplished soo much in his short 46 years. He loved others so deeply. For me he stood as an example of someone who knew his purpose and his passions and went for it. He loved people in such a way it was contagious. He had this passion for life and I believe it's because he knew who he was and knew what he wanted.  He created his destiny by the everyday decisions he made.

How often in life do we think that we are just the products of whatever comes our way rather than taking an active role in creating the life that want? Most of us don't take the time to find out what we REALLY WANT. Most of us have no problem telling others what we DON'T WANT but as many in this world have figured out that just gives us more of what we don't want. Especially with it being the beginning of the year I have a challenge for you. This comes from a book called "How to think bigger than you have ever thought before" by Mark Victor Hansen.

Take a timer and set it to 20 minutes and then set the intention to make a list of 100 things you want in your life. Don't over analyze this or else you will run out of time. Think about what excites you and what is it that brings you lasting joy. Allow the ideas and thoughts to flow through you and onto the paper. Make sure to date it because you will come back to it at different times in life and it's important to see the progress you have made over the passing years.

I believe everything we choose to do determines where we are in life. If you want to be somewhere different than you are, then it's as simple as shifting the way you see things to create something different. "Change the way you look at things and the things that you look at CHANGE." It really does work.

Look at my life as an example. I went from 266 lbs and living with such emotional, spiritual and physical pain. I didn't lose 128 lbs overnight. It took small "ONE DAY AT A TIME" decisions I made to get the results I did. As I turned my life over to God, he helped me change the way I looked at myself and start seeing my own beauty and brilliance and hense I ended up with very different results. Now, I have a tremendous amount of peace and joy in my life. I thank my Higher Power which I call God that made this change of heart and soul happen.