Monday, June 27, 2011

I released 130 lbs but seriously I have LOST MY MIND!!

YES... Its true! My program that I was offering at $497 is now $11.00. So some may say.. "What the heck?" Well, in the last 24 hours I have received a lot of emails from people who want so badly to do my program.. that honestly need what I have but couldn't afford it so ... God said to offer it to people at the $11.00 price.... so since I am getting really good at following directions even though it sometimes doesn't make sense.. I trust Him. I just want to help the most people I possibly can so take advantage of this. This is a no brainer. If you know of anyone.. I mean ANYONE.. who has struggled with weight issues, self esteem, stress or even total out of balance life, send them my website and have them sign up. I say .. give me 30 days and I will give you a whole new life. So if you think you are ready, make sure to sign up and then please pass the word to your friends and family. You are welcome to email me if you have any questions.

I look forward to working with all you faithful followers of mine. This is more fun than I ought to be allowed to have. See you Friday!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

"Trust in thyself and in others"

Isn't it so true that TRUST is something a lot of us struggle with? How often do you find yourself second guessing yourself, struggling with knowing whether or not to trust someone close to you or even trusting that gut feeling deep inside your heart? I know for me I have had to have several experiences that have helped me to learn what that voice inside of me is saying and then trusting it in order to make important decisions. It's just like anything... it takes time to develop that muscle.

As I sit here in my PJs on my porch swing and listening to celtic music, I can't help but reflect back on the many opportunities that I have had over the last couple of years where I had to learn to listen and then trust that inner voice, I call God's Spirit to help guide me.

There was a time in my life that I felt so distant from God although I was going through the motions. At times, I thought I was somehow different than others as I heard them tell stories of how powerfully connected they were to God's direction. I felt, somehow left out, not worthy or just not connected. I wanted to know that God was there and that I knew what he desired for me but it was more of a void than anything. Not knowing exactly how to find that true connection, I figured I would just live life the way I had for so long until one day I started the journey of recovery from my food addiction. EVERYTHING began to change almost over night.

It was so interesting to me that almost immediately after I got off of sugar and flour and started working the  12 step program, I felt an AMAZING connection with God. It seemed almost like the food that I was eating and putting into my body was directly affecting that connection. Suddenly this clarity of mind came and life just seemed easier. I have heard time and time again people in our program experience the exact same thing. Is it possible that for the last 30 some odd years, I had been the one that was, with my choices in what I was eating, keep me from the very source that I needed most in my life?

Trusting others... what is there to say about that? Well, people will be people and haven't we all been let down from time to time? I know the more I trust myself, the more I can trust others. Trust is a funny thing. In my opinion it's something that needs to be earned. Earned in the sense that as I experience someone I look for attributes of trust in them. I keep really aware of how I feel when I am around them. I ask myself the question often are they adding to my well being or are they constantly sucking energy from me. You know what I mean .. Leaches.. or lilies. Well, as I have learned to trust my gut it usually is right... and if it's not or I choose to go against it, I find there has always been a lesson for me to learn from it. Not good or bad.. just is!

"ACT NOW Scholarship"

For those of you that are really wanting to work with me but are having a difficult time paying the full tuition. I am offering an "ACT NOW" Scholarship. Click here and you will be directed to my website to fill out your contact information where you can explain your needs. I want to help! Let me know how I can best serve you. Only a few more days til my program starts.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"Connecting with People it Important?"

From a very young age I have always been intrigued with getting to know people. I remember as a little girl sitting out on my front door step asking the guy we hired to paint our garage door a bunch of questions. I wanted to know what got him into painting and if he liked it and what would he do if he didn't paint. I don't know where this desire to connect with people came from other than I just thought people were fascinating. I also remember being a teenager sitting in the dentist office striking up a conversation with someone in the waiting room. Within 5 minutes I knew just about everything about them and afterwards my mother asking me .."How do you do that?"

I want to FEEL someone's soul and I do that by communicating on a deep level. I want to know what makes them passionate. I want to know the "WHY" they are passionate. There is nothing more fullfilling for me than to see someone living their truth and for me to be part of the journey is helping them discover that true passion. I can always tell when they have hit that place where they are doing what they love when I ask them the question.. "If you had all the money in the world and didn't have to worry about any of that.. what would you do?"

True connection with people isn't hard.. it just takes being willing to open yourself to them. People only open up when you create the safe space for them to do so. I have sat down and met with hundreds of people over the past 8 months and I can say each and everyone of those people I connected with because I was intentional about wanting to know them. People love to talk about themselves. They love when people show interest in them and what they are up to. It's not just a networking process but for me has to come from the heart.

As I watched a video we did of my father 2 weeks before he passed away, it just reinforced how important it is to really genuinely care for another human being. My father was a master at this. I swear everyone felt like they were his best friend. I know growing up watching how he did this made an impact on me.

So .. I ask the question, what keeps up from connecting with others sometimes? Well if I was to guess, I would have to say that it might have something to do with not wanting to be vulnerable with people. I am finding this especially among single's. As I am venturing back into the dating world, I am seeing a lot of fear around this topic. I can see there is a lot of history with people but I believe the more confident you are in who you are the more transparent you can be in these types of relationships. For me I have had to dig deep and make sure that I really know me and what I want in order to give myself to someone in a deeper way. I have had to learn to trust myself. That didn't come over night and still takes work but I will say this go around in dating its much different and much more meaningful for me. I am healthier in mind, body and soul and it makes all the difference in the world.

Overall, all of us want to be wanted and want to know that we are important to another human being. It starts with us. We are the ones that need to allow safe spaces for people to connect with us and then be willing to care enough about the other person to show them respect in getting to know them. Connecting authentically and in a healthy way just like anything.. takes work AND is very rewarding from what I have experienced.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

"Happy Father's Day.. DAD!" I miss you!

Sorry for the very very long pause at the beginning of this. I couldn't edit it out in time to get it posted. 

15 years ago today was the last time I talked to my dad on the phone. At the time I was serving a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Idaho Falls, Idaho. It was only a short couple months after then that I received a call a week before I was to fly home that my father had passed away in a sudden car accident. I remember immediately feeling a sense of relief as I know life hadn't been easy for my father in many ways. Although he was only 60 at the time, which is soo young, I also felt as though it was his time to go. I can't hardly believe it's been almost 15 years.

Some of the most important things he taught me were ..
  • Don't let anyone else determine your value.. you are perfect just the way you are
  • Figure out what it is that you love and make money doing it
  • When you get bucked off, get right back on and keep going
  • People and relationships are important
  • Make everyone you meet feel like they are the most important person in your life
  • Seek for truth in all things
  • It doesn't matter where someone has come from.. love them all the same
  • Never to give up on myself ... even when you think others have
My father was one that influenced so many people in this world. He started a summer camp for kids for the sole purpose of making a difference in the world. He had the vision of making the world a better place by teaching correct principle to the youth who would be our future generation. He had the biggest heart in the world. We used to joke with him a lot about his HUGE rib cage. He needed a huge rib cage to hold that huge heart of his. I remember at his funeral people coming up to me and telling me that they had lost their best friend. Of course, I was thinking.. "NO. he's my best friend!" That is how my father was. He made people feel so special. He took time to develop those relationships. Many people trusted him with his life. Still to this day, I hear stories of how much my father meant to them in their lives. He was someone who cared very very deeply for those around him and people could feel it to the very core of their souls. 

I know for a fact as I was struggling through my teenage years, I wouldn't have made it had it not been for the encouragement I got from my dad. I knew he was always there for me. I always knew he believed in me. One of the last things he told my grandmother before he died was that he worried least about me. He knew I was going to be ok. I can't say my father was perfect.. actually he was far from perfect however at the same time he did the very best he knew at the time and I am grateful for the influence he was in my life and still is. I know for a fact he is with me in many ways as I go through this process of healing and of creation. I feel his presents near me often. 

What a beautiful example he was of being a true blue dreamer. I got my passion from him and my drive to never quit. He lead his life from his heart. He believed in people. He was a thinker.. a very deep one at that and wanted more than anything to live in nature which is where he found his soul rejuvenated. I know for a fact that so much of who I have become is because of him. 

So today with it being father's day I want to share with the world, my appreciation for who he was and what role he still plays in my life today. Dad.. thank you for your example, your tenacity, your love and your acceptance of me at all different stages. I love you.. I miss you.. I think of you.... and I acknowledge your presents still in my life. 

"Triggers.....What are they?"

I have to say today has been a day of triggers for me. Not good or bad.. just is. So what is a trigger? Many times I say that word, people kind of look at me strange. The best way I have to explain what a trigger is if one minute you are feeling totally fine and at peace and then something someone says or does, triggers a strong emotion within you that doesn't feel so good. Ever had that happen to you? Well it happened to me 2 separate times to me today.

So why do we get triggered? Well, for me it usually means there is something for me to learn more about myself. Triggers have very very little to do with that other person. Many times we want to blame our triggers on others because that keeps us in a place of being a victim. To me triggers are there to teach me.. even when they are painful at times and I don't know in the  moment what they mean.

So today as I got triggered as someone was talking in church, I realized afterwards it was because what was being said sounded just like me many years ago when I wasn't in a good place in my life. Not to say that the person is where I was.. she just brought all those feelings back to me. Again not good or bad.. just is. It's all just information the feelings it stirred in me.

After I had time to reflect, make a phone call and turn to God to seek for answers to the "why," I realized  why I do what I do and why I am so passionate about it. I spend time blogging, coaching people, sharing my story with others, all because I hate to see people continue down the road of self hatred. It's everywhere. With men.. with women. I KNOW what it feels like to be in a place where I have felt like a failure and that I couldn't do anything right and that no one would ever want me. I know what it feels like to wish I could end of my life so I didn't have to worry about fitting in or doing the wrong thing. I know what it feels like to feel true rejection. I know what it feels like to not see one ounce of hope in my life regarding my weight, my worth, my relationships etc. I know and have been to the darkest of dark for me when I wanted to end my life thinking it was going to solve it all. I know what it feels like to live in such SHAME that I never thought I couldn't have it any other way.

I also have experienced the greatest amount of JOY possible for me to this point in my life. Once I experienced this abundant JOY and PEACE in my life.. there is no turning back. I now know what it feels like and when I don't feel it, I am unsettled and do everything I can to get it back. So when I got triggered today, instead of freaking out and going into the food or some other unhealthy behavior, I turned to God and to others who could help me get through it to seek for answers. It's time for me to go in and then up to God for understanding. If you think about it, God is the ultimate source of answers. So what did I learn from my triggers today...

  • I learned that it's important to accept others for exactly where their at.
  • I learned that if God wants me to be in service in sharing my story... he will provide the way, I don't have to force that onto anyone.
  • I learned that when I get triggered to not react but instead not engage in conversation til I have had time to sit with what I am to learn.
  • I learned that first and foremost I need to take care of myself
  • I learned that other's problems are not mine to fix unless God provides the EASY path to do so
  • I learned that God loves me 
  • I learned that I am not perfect however it's ok I am perfectly where I am
  • I learned to always be open and share what is in my heart as long as I am straight in my intentions
  • I learned even more how important it is to connect authentically with others. 
  • I learned people who I am triggered by are there to teach me something about me.. NOT THEM.
So much of life is about trial and error. I love that I get to on a daily basis discover more and more about me. I get to go deeper in my recovery.. deeper in my healing.. deeper in my connection with God. He truly is my partner and the more I include him in EVERYTHING.. the more I see His magical hand in ALL THINGS. 

Saturday, June 18, 2011

"Finding PEACE with Self and Others"

When people ask me what success means to me, I don't hesitate at all in answering feeling "PEACE!" I can't stress enough how much that has meant to me in my life. I think of how much of my life I lived being at war with who I was and what I thought of myself. I honestly can't think of a time that I have felt this much peace ever. It seems sometimes so ordinary that people say they want peace but what does that really mean?

We say we want peace but what are we doing on a daily basis to find it.

For me peace is a feeling of completeness, wholeness, serenity, balanced, content, love, acceptance and being centered. Even in this moment as I sit on my bed, listening to my pandora, meditative music with my candles on, with my window open and the wind blowing through the trees, I am in gratitude for the solitude I feel in the deepest part of my soul. Sometimes I wonder if life gets any better than this.

I cherish these moments because I know they are a gift from God. So much of my life was lived with one drama after another from the people I chose to surround myself with or the negative chatter in my head. As I learned to quiet my mind, my thoughts and my emotions, I began to find this place in my soul that was at rest. It's like with anything, I had to work at learning how to get here.

If you find yourself always on edge, always trying to control things and never feeling settled, I challenge you to take some time looking at why you don't allow your soul to breathe. SLOW DOWN... take time for you. Peace doesn't come when you are at war. Where are you at war in your life? Make a list... look at it. What can you do to start eliminating negativity? Are there people you need to set boundaries around? Are there some people you need to stop hanging out with? Let me tell you, I am now so sensitive to those people around me that are in that negative energy that it's tangible when they are with me. I don't listen to their stories for too long until I excuse myself. I am not to say I don't spend time with people who are struggling in life but if you are in a place you are not willing to humbly look at things and make changes, there is nothing I can do to help. On the other hand, I thrive and enjoy very much those people who are really ready to take it on and who are truly searching for that peace. They are the ones who I delight in helping along the journey to finding peace and they are usually the ones that find it. They inspire me as I watch them shift and find healing to what they have experienced in their lives.

The beautiful thing about all this is that I have learned that regardless of where anyone is at .. at any given time in their life, I have no judgement.. it's just where they are at however when it comes to my own personal boundaries, it's important that I surround myself with positivity and healthiness because ultimately it does affect my own peace. Again.. this is just what is true for me. You will need to find out what is true for you.

I want to let you know that I think of each of you multiple times a day as I am developing my programs. Hoping that I tap into what it is that you need most. I believe God allows me to go through my own journey and experiences so that I may share with you how I find peace in my own life. I first had to find peace with who I am .. what I stand for and the gift that I am to the world... afterwards I am learning how important it is to make peace with my surroundings.

Friday, June 17, 2011

"Are you Willing to Pay the Price to be Healthy?"

I know what you are thinking...."I have tried so many times to lose weight and get healthy and I am good for a little bit but then I fall off the wagon and gain it all back. I have been on every diet out there, I don't know why everyone else seems to get it but me? What's wrong with me. I will never figure it out and it's hard for me to lose weight." Well.. losing weight is as hard or as easy as you want to make it. Seriously.... you are making it WAY to hard with all the negative beliefs you have around it. Take it from me that has released 130 lbs and been dieting since I was 7 years old... not to mention was suicidal at age 15 after many years of hating myself.

So .. why do I ask the question, "Are you willing to Pay the Price to get healthy?" I can't force anyone to do anything. I know I spent years of my life thinking I could but I now choose only to work with people who are really ready. When I have a willing and ready individual, I can help create MASSIVE results. How much is that worth to you?

For me releasing my 130 lbs and most importantly being healthy and feeling PEACE most of my life, is seriously PRICELESS. I can't even begin to explain what it feels like to live the life I am living now. I am in a place now that I have learned to love and accept myself exactly where I am .. not to mention have learned to do the same for others around me. Looking back I would have paid ANYTHING to get what I have now. The problem is, I couldn't even begin to imagine me being able to be where I am now. It all started with a decision to get into action. So I ask the question again.. "Are you willing to Pay the Price?" Yes there is a price to pay. It's called getting rid of the negative self talk, putting in the time to shift your mindset and the way you think of dieting or exercise to be successful at working with me. This is not rocket science. I start everyone out on very simple practices and habits. I want you to succeed. I know for a fact that if you follow the program I have outlined for my "30 Days to a Healthier You" program, you WILL lose weight, you WILL feel more peace in your life, you WILL learn to love and accept you .. all of you and will have a greater amount of peace and love for those around you. I know this sounds wonderful and it is.. however, know that it takes work AND that work doesn't have to be hard. Actually I would argue that living a life of unhealthiness is SOOO much harder than one of a healthy one but I will save that point for another blog entry.

We all need a support team a coach and if you are ready and willing to take it on, I am here to support you.

Get signed up for my "30 Day JUMP START to a Healthier You" Program. You will not regret it as you join me and many other people on this journey of once and for all stopping the cycle of unhealthy living.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

"Are you a CONTROL FREAK?"

So how many of you think it's your job to control EVERYTHING in your life? So you think if you are not in control of everything that the world will fall apart? Well, I hate to break the news to you, but it's NOT YOUR JOB. Well, I know that's how I used to be. I can't say I am rid of that need to control but I have gotten better at knowing what that feels like inside of me.. and I get better at surrendering those things that are beyond my control. I used to try and control my former husband, my friends, my family, time, my feelings, my circumstances, my boss, other people etc.

Serenity Prayer....

God.. Grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change....
The COURAGE to change the things I can and
The WISDOM to know the difference

Thy Will be Done.. NOT MINE!

The number one thing I desire in life is to feel PEACE. As I attended a good friend of mine's funeral a few days ago, it was said that only a few days before he passed away, he was searching for that Peace in his own life. How important is that to you? I know for me it is absolutely vital. I know it's not possible to feel it 100% of the time, but I know I can say I am grateful that I feel it most of my life these days and I attribute that to the way I choose to live. I spend time on taking care of me and my basic spiritual, emotional, and physical needs. It helps me keep balanced and therefore I feel peace. It's when I find myself trying to control something or someone that I get knocked off center and dang it if it takes me awhile to be willing to let it go. There are several things I do to help let go of what I feel I can control. Many of these things are in my tips for the day.

I realize now that I can't control anything and that I need God in my life to help guide me in all I do. I first have to let Him in and I let Him in when I LET GO. I know I know.. it's easier said than done,. It doesn't have to be. Our natural man wants to think it's our job to control it but when we let go and let God direct our very thoughts, actions and deeds.. there is true freedom there. I can tell you I feel as though it has become easier as time has gone by as I have learned to exercise that muscle of trust and of letting go. I always say... "trust and run.." Sometimes it's a bit scary to do that but when I do, I find peace in knowing that I am not alone in whatever I am facing at that time in my life.

ACT NOW: So this is something I did several months ago to see all the areas in my life that I have tried controlling. Get a piece of paper out or your journal and start listing all the different ways you find yourself trying to control things, yourself, your children, family, your boss, your customers etc. Keep writing til you feel complete. If you need to, go back to when you first recall in your life trying to control things. Ask yourself why you think it's your job to control and what would happen if you let go of that need to control and see what comes out. Don't judge what flows out of you. It's all just information and something to look at. Once you feel you are complete, be willing to surrender it to God and let Him take it all from you. I know when I do this, there is a sense of peace that comes into my life because I feel I have acknowledged my need to control and also have realized that it's not my job.


"Do your very best and let God do the rest!"

Saturday, June 11, 2011

"Willingness comes in the doing" PROCRASTINATION no more!

This is what came to me as I was live on the radio talking with Dave Blanchard of the Og Mandino Group. I often get asked what the magic pill is to releasing weight and finding balance and peace in my life. My answer is always .."It's willingness." How do you get willingness you might ask? The only real way that has worked for me is to just get in action. As Og Mandino says.. "ACT NOW." As many of you know that I am all about ACTION. It's also been one of my biggest challenges too. It just goes to show, what we struggle with most and are able to push through is usually what we need to be teaching. Procrastination is very real in each one of our lives. Why do we keep putting off the very things we need the most in our lives. One being taking care of ourselves. We truly only have today but most of us seem to live in the tomorrow mentality.

A friend of mine called me today telling me he knew he was putting off doing things he needed to get done. I took him through the process of prioritizing those action steps and then putting a deadline to them. It was difficult for him to get to the point where he could give me a straight answer when asked "BY WHEN" but eventually he got there. What I have found is most of us .. including me, is we are standing in our own way when it comes to getting things done in life. I wish I had all the answers but I am learning right along side of you when it comes to pushing through whatever fears we have that cause us to procrastinate and get into ACTION. It's in the doing that we find success and forward movement.

I sometimes get stuck in the "WHY" am I procrastinating and what I am finding is sometimes I don't need to know why.. it just doesn't matter. It is what it is.. NOW WHAT? If the why is keeping you stuck, move on. If you think you need to have everything perfect before you take a step in a direction, GET OVER IT. I love what a friend of mine says all the time.. "Done is better than perfect." That has really helped me move forward. Don't you dare think you are alone in this world and that you are the only one struggling with this evil practice of procrastination. The only thing that separates successful people from not so successful people is successful people are "Willing" to get into ACTION. So put the exuses to the side and the stories and JUST DO IT.

ACT NOW: List 3 things you have been procrastinating that you need to get done. Look at that list and ask yourself which one is the most important to get done 1st then put a deadline to it and become accountable to someone for that deadline. It's vital that you have an accountability partner or in my experience it doesn't get done. Then repeat the same process for determining the 2nd action step and the 3rd. Just DO IT! .. DO IT NOW and I promise that you will feel a HUGE sense of relief in your life as well as see things get in motion. I would love to hear how this works for you.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

"Clarity" 30 Day JUMP START to a Healthier You Program Launch

A few days  ago I was privileged to spend sometime in reflection in a place where I find to be very holy. I had called a friend of mine to join me and sure enough several hours later yet another miracle occurred in my life.

For the last 3 years, I have been on this journey of self discovery. Because of all the changes, I have done a lot of soul searching and learning along the way. Since last July when I decided it was time to walk away from my job of 6 1/2 years, my marriage of 7 1/2 years... and at that time had just hit my goal weight for the first time, I was experiencing a HUGE amount of shifting in my life. As I tried to make sense of all of it, I turned towards God for answers. Not knowing exactly where he wanted me to go and not clear on what my soul purpose was, I spent a lot of time on my knees in prayer. It has been very frustrating at times, not knowing what my future would hold. As I found myself being lead in certain directions, I would stay open to the possibilities and opportunities that were there but often in the back of my mind trying to make sense of it all. It wasn't too long ago I was asking myself 'What is it that I have to offer to anyone.. Why would anyone listen to me.. What value do I bring, if any to anyone in this world?' These were real questions. Many around me would shake their heads because they could see what I wasn't yet able to see. Not good or bad .. just was.

In January,.. asking the question, 'What do you want me to do to support myself financially?' .. my 7 Steps to FREEDOM from what's WEIGHing you Down came to me. I felt as though I finally had the answer as to what to teach. I couldn't write fast enough as the inspiration flowed through me and onto the paper. Finally.. I thought, I have something to share. So a friend of mine pushed me to do a workshop, which to be honest with you terrified me at the time. Almost immediately all the self doubt and negative talk flooded my soul as to shake my very core of who I was. I would imagine starting the workshop and having people get up and walk out, fall asleep and even give me negative feedback.

Eventually I did my workshop and overall it went well, although there are a lot of things I will be doing differently next time. I learned what worked for me and what didn't work and the fact I pushed through the doubt and negative talk and did it anyway was HUGE.

As I continue to look for windows of opportunity to get clear on my message and my purpose I have connected with hundreds of people along the way. Take a look at my facebook photo albums and it's evident of the many people who have come into my space. It's getting to the point now that I have to take pictures of people in order to remember them and keep them in my mind.

As for clarity I still hadn't found it. Went to conferences, networking meetings, scheduled one on one with different people and even did some cold calling and while it all served a purpose, I still struggled with finding the clarity of mind. Who am I? What is my purpose? Who do I need to be working with? How do I get my message out to the masses like I feel I have been called to? Who can I trust? These are just some of the questions I have had on my mind.

As with anything, it takes persistence and tenacity in life to see things come together. Just as with weight loss, finding success in business is the same. So soon I found myself, hiring a big time coach, things started to take off. While being a guest host once a month on a local radio show, I met someone that invited me to be a co-host of a world wide radio show and I threw myself into that work. So how many different directions can I go before I realize that I have been dancing around WHO I AM and how I am to serve this world? Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel in anyway shape or form that I have waisted anytime because I KNOW that every single second of this journey has had a purpose to it. I can't even begin to go into all the things I have learned along the way. I started making a list of everything and maybe at some point I will post it.

As of a couple of days ago, I found myself in a place of contemplation... reflection and then WHAM!! So as I spent time with a dear friend of mine, he layed it all out before me and made his suggestions as to what he thought I was doing and what direction would serve me best. It was amazing!!

For many of you out there that have seen my pictures of my home, you know that I have a TON of signs all over my home. These signs help me to stay focused and bring me hope. When I feel stuck, I often find myself at the store being lead to yet another sign that I can put in my space. This last weeks sign that by the way was hiding behind a bunch of other signs was "SIMPLIFY." There are NO accidents. I put that up last Friday and 2 days ago that was the message my dear friend was helping me to see. I needed to simplify. How many of you out there can relate? Most of us over think everything and then it ends up keeping us stuck. I don't know about you .. .but for me, that's what I was doing.

As we sat there at dinner, he helped me set out a plan.. a simple one at that and we set dates and times to having these 6 items done. 'Could it really be this simple?'.. is what I thought?? No wonder I didn't have the direction I needed let alone the clarity. 'Was I getting in my own way?' The answer was an astounding YES. It wasn't that I didn't know my soul purpose, it was that I wasn't willing to go to the core of who I am .. and share me and what I am an expert at with the world. It seemed all too easy. I know I had heard that message from sooo many people that I needed to keep it simple but somehow buying the sign the other day shifted something in me and NOW ... I GET IT.

So now I have a specific concise easy 30 day JUMP Start to a healthier you program that I am confident that if you follow the program you WILL get results to finding peace in Mind, Body and Soul. I know because I have experienced it. My desire to be in service to others burns deep within my heart and soul and I can no longer stand on the side lines and watch life pass me by.

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Monday, June 6, 2011

"Me just being ME!" - No less than.. No More than!

So many times in life we look at others and think, 'Oh.. I am  not good enough to be talking to them.. or I am too good to talking to this person." Well, at least this is how I used to function in life. I was too afraid that who I was would not be accepted by others... especially those people that I deemed to be successful or more influencial than me. It's so interesting to watch how I am interacting and in the space of very successful people and how I can just see them for who they are and not what they have accomplished. Had a discussion with someone this morning on this very subject. It just seems like my  heart has shifted in such a big way that I see people how God sees them.. not even how they may see themselves or how others asteem them to be. I am not sure that makes any sense but it's probably because I am still trying to make sense of it myself.

I am learning that the very best thing I can do to connect with others and to bring success into my life is to be me and being me brings value to people's lives. For so many years, I never thought I amounted to anything and at times those thoughts still pleg me but more times than others I stand in the space of knowing my true value regardless of who is around me.

I am beautiful ... inside and out. I am intelligent and kind and loving. I am creative and courageous. 35 Years of my life.. I couldn't say that .. let alone believe it. I sometimes don't recognize who I am.. or even who I was. I am still stuck in this in between stage of my life. It's one day at a time healing that brings me further into alignment of who I truly am in God's eyes. He shows me bit by bit and line upon line as I choose to follow His footsteps on the path of life.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

"Absolute Miracle in Healing"

As many of you know I got divorced a year ago and was in a very abusive marriage for 7 1/2 years. As with anyone there is a lot of healing that one has to go through in order to come out of that kind of relationship and be ok. Well.. tonight's experience showed me that there are miracles to be experienced if we allow ourselves to be open to experiencing them. Although there are soo many horrible divorce stories out there, I look back on my own personal journey and know that there are no accidents. It's true. Many people have asked me how I was able to heal from such a horrible experience so quickly. Well, of course when I was going through it it didn't seem to move quickly but looking back it was a blink of an eye. I know that all healing takes time and as I threw tons of energy into it, one day at a time, I found myself where I was tonight which allowed me to be open to experiencing a miracle happen.

It just so happen that my neighbor and I were sitting on my porch swing tonight when my former husband came by whom I haven't seen for over 4 months. He needed to bring by something so I let her know that he was on his way. Soon enough he ran up the stairs and greeted us, surprised to see us sitting outside. Immediately I could sense his discomfort with the situation as he engaged in a e conversation with my neighbor mostly until he realized it was safe to open up to me as well. We had had conversations back in December where we had made amends towards each other and so I knew the doors had been opened to healing between us. Although since then, he has remarried and my life seems to be taking off in a completely different direction.

Soon the conversation lead to him explaining what he was up to and how he had come a long way and was feeling for the first time in his life, peace. We were both genuinely excited for him . There was no judgment towards him nor did I feel any kind of negative or resistant emotion. I remember tonight sitting there looking at him and feeling this HUGE surge of love and appreciation for him as he explained where he was in his life. I also felt a lot of gratitude that we were no longer together. Not good or bad.. just was. At some point in the conversation, it turned to me and he was interested in knowing what I was up to. Was I really having this conversation after many months of not communicating? This was my thought. I almost felt as though I was having an out of body experience but instead was feeling a huge amount of love in my heart for him. It was strange.

Finally we got to a point in the conversation where we acknowledged what a gift our 7 1/2 years of a marriage was to each of us. It was beautiful to watch how we both thanked each other for the gifts we were in each other's life. He went to shake my hand and I couldn't help but get up and give him a huge hug. My heart was sooo full of love we just stood there and embraced one another as he told me that he would always love me and I said the same back to him. My eyes welled up with tears as I felt the purest love flow from me to him. We held each other for awhile as the tears ran down my face. As I finally backed away from him I could see that he was touched by the gesture. At that very moment I can say I know what true forgiveness feels like and I knew we had both been freed from the bondage we kept ourselves in for so long. He left and my neighbor and I were left with tears running down our faces and silence in the air. I finally turned to her and said, "We just witnessed a miracle... Did you see that?"  We agreed and without saying anything knew without a shadow of a doubt, we had just seen a literal miracle.

I can't thank my former husband enough for making the effort and being willing to forgive. I truly married a great man. In many ways.. I couldn't see it nor would I allow that side of him to shine. At the same time I can be in full blown gratitude that we have both gone our way and now live very different separate lives. Thank you.. Thank you .. Thank you to God for allowing me to experience yet another deeper level of healing in this journey of mine.