As I look back on my life I realize my mind was soo full of negative thinking I couldn't hear anything else. As I have done a lot of work in changing my negative thinking, I find myself experiencing a lot more gratitude. Negative thinking about everything was my drug of choice. It kept me from taking responsibility for my actions, kept me in a victim role and made me want to blame everyone else for what I was experiencing. As I sat and talked to a gal tonight, I could hear a lot of negative talk about herself. I could feel the heaviness of carrying that kind of load.
I remember so clearly those days where I would say the same things to myself as well. I wasn't judging her but wanted to, with love, express my concern to her about it. I was grateful that she was open to hearing it and who knows what will come of it.
I know from my own experience the challenge it can be to learn to reprogram our minds to think positive thoughts. Why is it that we think it's ok to talk down about ourselves? If you ask me, it all started back in the garden of Eden. Who was it that introduced shame? Too often we believe the lies that Satan tells us about what makes us worthy or of value. As I shared a little of my story to this gal, I told of a time that I set my value based on the number on the scale. No wonder I felt worthless at 266 lbs. To me I was of no value to anyone let alone myself. The last few months, I have been intentionally asking God to show me my value just from Him. I am grateful for the seed of confidence God planted in my heart.
So ..what do I do to rid myself of this Negative Self Talk? Well, for me what works is to stay in a place of gratitude for whatever life brings me. I always look to find the gift in each moment and then give God the credit for it all. I also surround myself with positive people. Seriously, it really matters who you choose to have in your life. I also surround myself with positive messages like quotes, sayings, uplifting words, and order. It feels better with those things in my life. I read good uplifting and inspiring books. I seek out people who I want to be like and cultivate those relationships. I journal about my thoughts and if they are negative I write them on a 3x5 Card and surrender them to my God Box.
Today has been a long day for me as I drove down and back from Southern Utah. Had an amazing conversation with Victoria Wynn and brainstormed about a lot. I am soo grateful for those people God is bringing into my life to teach me.
One of my many dreams came true today which was me ice skating on outdoor frozen water. Ever since I was very young, I watched "Ice Castles" over and over and over again. Dreamt of becoming an ice skater when I grew up. HUGE dream of mine. Well, it's a bit difficult to ice skate at the size I used to be but I attempted to do it when about 10 years ago a girlfriend of mine and I took 3 ice skating classes. Mind you I was 230 lbs and trying to do spins and jumps. Talk about denial. I didn't want to admit that I was that size. I bought myself some really nice skates and went often but would have to sit down a lot since my feet would hurt soo much. It was such a treat today at my goal weight to put those skates on and skate out in the open air. I loved it. If we weren't in such a hurry to get back, I would have loved to stay longer. It always amazes me how God ends up making our Dreams come true.