Monday, January 3, 2011



 Just for Today
 Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
 and not tackle my whole life problem
 at once. I can do something for twelve hours
 that would appall me if I felt that I had to
 keep it up for a lifetime.

 Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to
 be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that
 "most folks are as happy as they make up
 their minds to be."
 Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind.
 I will study. I will learn something useful.
 I will not be a mental loafer. I will read
 something that requires effort, thought and
 Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is,
 and not try to adjust everything to my own
 desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes,
 and fit myself to it.
 Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
 ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and
 not get found out. I will do at least two
 things I don't want to--just for exercise.
 I will not show anyone that my feelings are
 hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not
 show it
 Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look
 as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
 act courteously, criticize not one bit, not
 find fault with anything and not try to improve
 or regulate anybody except myself.
 Just for today, I will have a program. I may not
 follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will
 save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
 Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all
 by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
 sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
 of my life.
 Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
 will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
 and to believe that as I give to the world, so
 the world will give to me.

While it's almost been 2 years I have been in a 12 step recovery program, I still remember when I first was taught this principle of "Just for Today."

After a day at the 12 Step conference in Las Vegas back in February 2009, I was pretty much freaking out. I kept thinking to myself, 'How in the world could I ever get off sugar and flour?'

Here were all these amazing people telling their stories about how they hadn't had sugar or flour for 4 years.. 8 years.. 12 years. How could that be? Here I was someone that couldn't imagine not eating sugar and flour. I had grown up with that being my comfort food. I know that this sounds funny but at the time I was binging on muffins. I would make a batch of muffins and hurry and eat them all before my former husband would take them from me. After trying to wrap this concept of NEVER AGAIN eating sugar and flour, I turned to my good friend and said.. "I can't EVER have a muffin again?" Her response with all the love in her heart said to me, "Just not Today." I felt a HUGE amount of weight fall from my shoulders which at the time seemed to be holding me down. I thought to myself.. 'I can do this just for today.' I felt a calming relief and since then that one day has turned into two and then three and so on. 128 lbs later and out of the food I realized I can only do this program one day at a time. If I sit here and think about doing this for a lifetime it is OVERWELMING and I want to give up now. There is power is keeping present in the moment. This one aspect of my recovery has got me through a lot of tough days.
Just 3 months prior to my attending this conference for food addiction, I had visited my homeopathic to find answers to why I hadn't been able to get pregnant for 6 years. Little did I know the visit took a different turn than I had expected. He informed me that I had a very bad case of candida. I remember thinking to myself, 'What the heck is candida?' He explained to me that candida fed off of sugar and suggested that I get off the sugar right away. Immediately I told him there was NO WAY I was giving up my sugar. I didn't realize it at the time that I was heavily addicted but looking back that sure sounds like someone addicted to it. I told him right then that I wasn't going off sugar so he would have to give me something else to get rid of it. He laughed at me and said what he had in mind wasn't pleasant but it would work. He printed out the recipe which included baking soda and maple syrup for me to make and then eat. He warned me that it was horrible tasting but I told him I would try it instead off giving up the sugar.

Boy did I get a rude awakening! I made the so called magic candy and even duct tape my nose so I wouldn't have to taste it but it was horrible. I called my homeopathic back and said, "Doc, what else can you give me because I can't stomach this stuff." He laughed and suggested maybe I should put it in pill form and take it that way. So sure enough I took the candy pieces and put them in my blender and then proceeded to fill up 25 capsules worth for one serving. I tell you this, because look at the lengths I was willing to go to to NOT have to give up sugar. The pill thing only worked for a day or two then I gave up on that and just dealt with the fact I had a horrible case of candida and left it at that.

It's interesting just months later how God works. After I started my 12 step recovery program, I ended up back in my homeopathic's office telling him the whole story. He just laughed at me and smiled. With as bad of a case my candida had gotten, I was close to getting cancer. Isn't that interesting that even with a threat of cancer I still wouldn't let go of the sugar. For me the sugar is all I ever knew. I had always dreamt of living a healthy life and looked up to "those" people that had the discipline to eat healthy but couldn't figure it out for myself until I got into recovery. Now it makes perfect sense. For me the sugar and the flour acted as a drug to my body. I couldn't just take some and stop at that as a so called "normal" person could. I had to have the whole bag or the entire bar and leave nothing sitting around.

Towards the end of my compulsive eating days, I would wait til my husband would go to sleep and run off to the store and buy whatever it was that I was in the mood to binge on and then come home, watch tv and eat the whole thing til I got cankers in my mouth which made it difficult to eat the next day. I don't know how conscious I was at the time but looking back there were soo many emotions I wanted to run away from and avoid and for me eating took them away. I didn't know at the time either that I had married a compulsive eater, so for 7 years we fed each other as well as fought over food constantly. Although I am divorced now he still mentions to me that I would buy him junk food to justify the junk food I would buy for myself. It is true. I had to justify what I was doing and make it so he wouldn't get on my case.

So for me the way I live my life in all aspects is to keep present and live "Just for Today." Just for today I can be happy, grateful and take care of myself. 

"Gratitude is the acceptance of things as they are." - Becky Sampson

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for writing this blog! I need help and direction. It is so good to learn from someone who has been where I am. Thank you!