Sunday, January 9, 2011

"Willing to Suffer and Sacrifice"

This seems to be the theme of a lot of people's messages lately. How badly do you want what you want and what are you willing to do to get it. I would venture to say we are telling ourselves that achieving our goals is just never going to happen.

In the book called "Aspire" Kevin Hall challenges us to find one word that describes you. For me the word that keeps coming up is "TENACIOUS." Ok.. so many people have told me they don't know what that means and thanks to a really good friend of mine I wouldn't know either unless she told me.

Dictionary defines Tenacious as.
1. Holding fast; characterized by keeping a firm hold.
2. Pertinacious, persistent, stubborn, or obstinate.

Ok.. so I don't like to admit that I am stubborn or obstinate but at times I would say I guess I fits me to a tee. In reality to be tenacious you have to be stubborn. It is the essence of persistent.

As a girl, my father taught me a very important lesson. I grew up during the summers attending our summer camp that our family ran in southern Utah. One of the trips I liked to go on was the horse trip. Although I was scared to death of horses, we went up to one of my favorite places on earth so I dealt with my fear and went anyway. Just about every time I jumped on a horse, they just as soon bucked me off.  I would cry and not want to get back on but my father would always make me brush myself off and jump back on. I used to hate it when he would do that but I learned a really important lesson then. I learned that even though there are things in life that are tough and that may hurt when I fail at them, it's important to brush myself off and get back on the horse and keep going.

I wouldn't realize how important that lesson would be to me until year later and long after my father's death. That wasn't the only experience I have had that has taught me to be tenacious. I have failed at many things and will continue to fail at many things but there is one thing about is I keep going..I NEVER QUIT.

I knew at some point I would figure out this weight issue of mine. It started when I was 7 years old and until 2 years ago I didn't have any real solid answers to what was going on with me. People would ask me if I thought I would be overweight my whole life and I would say to them that I knew somehow the answers would come to me. This 12 step program is what FINALLY worked for me. I knew I couldn't do it anymore and that I was truly powerless over my compulsion to eat unhealthy foods for me.

So when Kevin Hall writes about successful people and how they be willing to suffer and sacrifice for what they want most, I know that's true. I had to get to the point that I was willing to go to all lengths to get to the bottom of my issues with food. I can't say it's always been easy but boy do I feel free from the compulsion. I feel as though I finally  have a second chance of this life I had always dreamt of.

I used to look at thin people and think..'what do they have to worry about? Their life is perfect!' I thought being thin solved every problem out there. Although I have to say my life is soo much better these days, I still struggle from time to time. It's normal. The difference now is that I have done the hard work to get here and have now learned many helpful tools to deal with the difficult times. I live a very orderly and peaceful life.

I used to live a life of complete compulsively meaning.. no structure or boundaries. I used to have such a hard time maintaining my personal space and keeping it clean. Self care seemed like the most difficult thing for me to do. I didn't want to adhere to any kind of rules or boundaries. I saw them as restrictive. In reality as I have put structure into my life.. funny thing is it has given me TOTAL FREEDOM. I had to be willing to suffer and sacrifice things in order to put that structure into place and be free from compulsion. I do things now because I want to, not because I feel I have to or someone is making me. It's my choice to live the way I do.

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