"Relationship with Self...Are You at War or at Peace?"
& Our Bodies are the Battle Ground ... - Morwenna
Been thinking a lot about this lately. Ask yourself that question... are you are war or at Peace with yourself? Depending on the answer it could be showing up with how well you treat your body. As I reviewed a video tape last night of me in my bathing suit at 265 lbs, I can't help but think of how at war I was with who I was and with this body of mine. To be honest with you, watching myself now, I looked drunk. I was drunk. I was drunk on unhealthiness. I was in no way taking care of my body or my soul for that matter. The reason I was video taping myself was because I was just about to start Weight Watchers for the millionth (if that is even a word) time the next day and I wanted to document what I looked like in case I never was that weight again. Well, sadly that time was not the last time I would hit that weight and felt complete despair about trying to fight this war and losing over and over and over again.
I think of how many times we do go to war with ourselves and then turn to the food and use our bodies as the battleground. It's not fair. Our bodies don't have a fighting chance. As we get more and more unhealthy, we go deeper into our shame and many times just give up and surrender to what is. We are too afraid to pick up the weapons of war for fear we are going to get beat yet again and get thrown to the ground. How many times can we stand to go through this cycle? I know for me it took many battles and more battle wounds to finally say .. "Enough is Enough." I couldn't do it anymore. I would venture to say most of us are lying near dead on the battle field beaten down so many times around all this dieting. How about changing the way you look at it. Instead of thinking that you have to be on the defense.. you shift your way of thinking of being on the offense. Playing the offensive role you realize that you determine how the game is played. It's not what happens to you .. but more what you choose to create.
Your "WHY" has to be big enough. Why do you want to be in better shape? Why is it important to you to take care of this only body you been given? Ask yourself these questions. Are you finding yourself answering them to please someone else or are you wanting to take care of you.. for you? How many times do you fight for peace for everyone else in your life and not you? WHY???? WHY not you?? When you choose to go to War with your Body, ultimately you only hurt yourself. Yes it affects others but ultimately you are killing you. When you are not at your best, it makes it difficult to truly be there for those who you love around you. Stand up and take an active role in your life. It's a choice. You are willing or you are not.
Someone asked me today what the magic pill is that everyone is looking for.. I will tell you what I have found it to be.. ready...?? It's your willingness. Yes, I sound like a broken record but it's true.
Just like being at War, you gotta be willing to fight for the peace. The peace never comes unless you are WILLING to fight the fight. I will tell you I believe this war that we have created inside of us, will kill us if we let it. Be willing to pick up the weapons (Tools) and fight for Peace. It will come as you get into action. I know this because of my own experience.
I guess as I write this I am seeing two sides of this war concept. One being... are you always at war with your body.. treating it with such disrespect.. or are you putting your energy into fighting this WAR to create peace? There is a difference. The first way of looking at it in reality we become prisoners of War within ourselves. When we pack on the weight.. or even the mental weight, we put ourselves in bondage and that starts to restrict our abilities to live a life of total freedom. When we decide to stand for what we know is right, we use those same weapons to create peace. Which war are you fighting?
ACT NOW: Get your journals out and write about this war and which part do you play? Are you at war to continue being at war or do you choose to go to war to create PEACE? Write as much as you can about this to go deep. The deeper you go, the more you will get out of it.