When we peel away the layers of our onion, we find the same needs across the board. We all seek to be loved and accepted by others. At what age in life did we begin to believe that we were not loved and not accepted? Who was it or what experience imprinted that faulty core belief in us? I know for me it had a lot to do with the fact I grew up in a family of over achievers. I wanted sooo badly to be like them but instead I felt rejected and unwanted. Now listen, when I look back on the family that I grew up in, I can't seem to see much wrong with any of them but as a child my reality was all messed up and I created some pretty horrible beliefs. These beliefs of mine affected how I saw myself and others in those informative years. I really did grow up with amazing siblings and given a lot of opportunities that others didn't get to have. So why did I feel so alone, unaccepted and not loved? Well, that is a good question. I guess when I had a few things happen like being pulled out of my so called "Normal" class in 2nd grade to attend a "Special" reading class, I decided right then and there that I was STUPID. With that kind of belief, nothing anyone else said to me mattered... it was blocked by what I now believed about myself.
So, as I was writing my story for my book, I realized what a HUGE impact this time of my life had on me. Here I was a 7 year old girl who just wanted to be loved and accepted by mostly my older brother who was a high school basketball star and I stunted my ability to find happiness because I didn't feel like anyone wanted me to be around. Looking back now what 16 year old kid wants his 7 year old sister hanging out with him and his popular basketball friends. It's sad really that I went to a place of darkness and even worse to an addiction to food to fill that void of just wanting to be loved and accepted.
Everyone in life deserves to be loved and accepted. It's part of who we are. Think about it, many times when we don't get that love as a child, we spend the rest of our lives seeking it.. almost begging for it from others through out our lives. I know for me up until recently I was unhealthy about it. I since have done a lot of work where I don't NEED that validation.. rather I appreciate it. There is a difference. I simply say "Thank you" to people when they compliment me when I used to always shy away from people saying nice things about me or I would crave for them to tell me more almost like my heart was an bottomless pit. Dealing with this part of who I am was almost more difficult than my food addiction. This is called love addiction and at times it is much more difficult to recover from but I am starting to see what recovery looks like. I am incredibly grateful to know who I am and know that no matter what anyone else says... I know my value. As I am healing from this love addiction, it has helped me point out and love others in such a deeper way than I could have ever before.
I was talking to a new friend of mine tonight about the fact that it is sometimes soo hard to see our own light and how important it is to have great people in our lives that help bring our greatness out of us by them sharing what they see is our strengths. It's like we travel through life with blinders on. I couldn't have made it to this point without these so called angels of mine that have kept me going when I felt I couldn't see my own light.
ACT NOW: Take a few moments out of your day and look for a few people in your life who you know really need to hear that they are loved. Write a note, make a phone call or go visit them and let them know what a gift they are to you in your life. Look for their great qualities you see in them and share that with them. We all need encouragement and acknowlegement for the light that shines within us.