Got another lesson tonight on how important it is to state real clear intentions with others. So much of my life I have lived in hiding of my true feelings for fear of what the other person would think. As I move more into a place of healthiness, I never want to hide anything any longer. That's not to say that I just throw up my whole life onto others within a few minutes of meeting them, it's about not being afraid to be me.
I never want to be known as someone who is not honest and authentic. I can't say I am perfect at this all the time. I still have this part of me that hasn't fully healed from the many years of self sabotage. I do know something about myself and that is I have a huge heart and that heart is what connects me with others ever since I was very young. I am learning now to connect more with myself as it is a continuous journey in self discovery. When someone tells me now how I am feeling... I pause and simply check it with myself...and then see if that resonates with me. I used to just take what other's said I was feeling or not feeling as gospel. I used to think .."they must know better what I am feeling than I do." I really did think that and that is when I lost touch with who I was. This is a very tricky thing. There is one thing to give someone feedback and there is another thing to have someone throw up their stuff onto you. It's not always so black and white and for me I get sucked into the thinking there is something wrong with me.
It all seems to take practice and in trusting myself. I love who I am and who I have become AND it's taken awhile after lots of practice to trust my inner voice that tells me my own truth. I also have to be really careful when I am sharing feedback with others that it is not my own stuff that I am putting on them as well. Wow.. do you see how this can be tricky? PRACTICE.. PRACTICE.. PRACTICE.
I love how life keeps giving me more and more opportunity to grow. I grew tonight after I realized that it's my responsibility to get clear with others.. not their job to try and figure out what I am thinking. I love learning and growing. Never perfect.. .. but always growing. I know I have blogged about this too that life is about "Progress not Perfection," and isn't it a beautiful thing to gift yourself the space to allow yourself to be where you are RIGHT this very moment in life? I know it's been very liberating for me.
Thanks to all of you out there that allow me to be me in sharing my inner most thoughts of my heart with the world. I wish more people took the opportunity to do this because I know this process of writing just about every night has done amazing things for me.