Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"Bleeding Heart - Birthing Emotions"

Wow.. what a day! I don't know about you but sometimes in life there are those days that I feel like I am giving birth to some serious emotions. Even though when I am going through it it feelsl like I am going to die.. I still have this trust that it's all part of the process of healing and moving on. Just because I feel deep emotion doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. Of course back in the good old days.. these types of emotions would have taken me STRAIGHT into the food. I did everything I could to avoid feeling these deep deep emotions. They were too scary to feel. Tonight was about going THROUGH IT.. not stuffing it, eating it away, avoid it but truly going through it.  I have written about this before as well. When I finally have gotten to a place where I can feel the emotions.. allow them to process and then release.. it's a beautiful thing. I am now at peace and know that I survived the rollercoaster of emotions that flooded through me.

Just as giving birth takes great pressure and effort, there is a release and a precious gift once the process is complete. I feel that way now. I feel a great amount of support and peace that has come over me and I know God carried me through it.

How often in life do we think God has left us in those most crutial times when in reality he was carrying us through it. I know as I think back on the many times in my life I have experienced a lot of pain that it was me that turned my back on God.. not God that turned His back on me. I know as I turn my whole heart and soul over to Him, He will ALWAYS give back in the way He sees fit. I love that. Tonight when my hole in my soul was aching... He filled it. When I just wanted to be held.. He held me. Seriously.. why do I ever doubt that He is with me?

Moments like tonight remind me just how Powerful God really is. There is NOTHING He can't heal. We all need healing in some way shape or form. Rather than fight them.. embrace them. Rather than try and cover emotions up.. FEEL them. They are given to us to be our teacher. We are humans and there is nothing wrong with feeling whatever emotion that comes up.

I learned yet again tonight these core things.. I am loved, I am accepted, I am not alone, people around me care, God provides, to trust the process, that it's ok to just let my soul bleed til it's done bleeding, that surrendering is just about the only way for me to truly let things go and that no matter what happens, I AM PERFECT just the way I am.

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