Isn't it so true that TRUST is something a lot of us struggle with? How often do you find yourself second guessing yourself, struggling with knowing whether or not to trust someone close to you or even trusting that gut feeling deep inside your heart? I know for me I have had to have several experiences that have helped me to learn what that voice inside of me is saying and then trusting it in order to make important decisions. It's just like anything... it takes time to develop that muscle.
As I sit here in my PJs on my porch swing and listening to celtic music, I can't help but reflect back on the many opportunities that I have had over the last couple of years where I had to learn to listen and then trust that inner voice, I call God's Spirit to help guide me.
There was a time in my life that I felt so distant from God although I was going through the motions. At times, I thought I was somehow different than others as I heard them tell stories of how powerfully connected they were to God's direction. I felt, somehow left out, not worthy or just not connected. I wanted to know that God was there and that I knew what he desired for me but it was more of a void than anything. Not knowing exactly how to find that true connection, I figured I would just live life the way I had for so long until one day I started the journey of recovery from my food addiction. EVERYTHING began to change almost over night.
It was so interesting to me that almost immediately after I got off of sugar and flour and started working the 12 step program, I felt an AMAZING connection with God. It seemed almost like the food that I was eating and putting into my body was directly affecting that connection. Suddenly this clarity of mind came and life just seemed easier. I have heard time and time again people in our program experience the exact same thing. Is it possible that for the last 30 some odd years, I had been the one that was, with my choices in what I was eating, keep me from the very source that I needed most in my life?
Trusting others... what is there to say about that? Well, people will be people and haven't we all been let down from time to time? I know the more I trust myself, the more I can trust others. Trust is a funny thing. In my opinion it's something that needs to be earned. Earned in the sense that as I experience someone I look for attributes of trust in them. I keep really aware of how I feel when I am around them. I ask myself the question often are they adding to my well being or are they constantly sucking energy from me. You know what I mean .. Leaches.. or lilies. Well, as I have learned to trust my gut it usually is right... and if it's not or I choose to go against it, I find there has always been a lesson for me to learn from it. Not good or bad.. just is!