Friday, February 17, 2012

My Recent Challenge...with Weight Gain

I am sorry I haven't blogged in quite sometime. It seems as my life pushes forward, I am getting busier and busier which is good but I value very much my time to write and to express my deepest feelings about where I am in my life. I know that many of you feel similar feelings because I meet with you everyday. I hear your stories, I hear your struggles and I am no different.

This last few months has been a roller coaster of emotions for sure. As I always say, it's PERFECT because I am learning more about who I am and picking up new tools to aid me in living a healthy life and in order to help more people. 

Even though I have released 130 lbs, it doesn't mean that I have somehow arrived. In my own mind,  I think on some level, I felt that but life has shown me recently that working the basic simple principles are what sustain healthy living. As I sit here in bed, pondering about what to share with you, my mind wonders to how important the little things are and to be patient and loving with ourselves. 

In the last 4 months, I have gained 20 lbs which has been an interesting journey for me. I found myself back in the "I don't care" thinking. "Where did that come from? ...What triggered it?... and What am I suppose to learn from it?" These questions have been heavily on my mind. 

I felt in someway that obesity and the thoughts of it all where in the past and were going to stay there FOREVER. I didn't start to eat sugar or flour again because in my mind, those things are evil but I did start eating more of the food that I normally eat and justify eating "Sugar FREE" items and too much of that too. Soon the weight started to creep back on. Suddenly, my clothes became tight and I didn't feel so good inside. Everyday I would recommit to myself and others and sometimes for a day or two I would do well. As for now, I am feeling ok but there for awhile, I felt as though I couldn't control it. 

Just recently, friends of mine have introduced me to other tools to help aid me in dealing with these negative behaviors. I just started using "Tapping." In my mind, I thought that tapping was too simple but I am starting to realize that most things we strive for are EASY.. well, maybe not EASY but SIMPLE. In my mind, I thought, this is too simple and it kept me from using it. I am trying it out and in the last couple of days it has given me great relief. I know that my perfectionism was keeping me from doing it too because I wanted to do it perfectly and instead, I just decided to relinquish the fact it doesn't have to be perfect, I just have to do it. 

So there.. this is where I am right now and am headed back down the scale 15 lbs to where I want to be. The difference this time is I know my value isn't determined by the number that is on the scale and that I have the tools I need, if I choose to use them, to be where I want to be. Before I would have just given up and allowed myself to go back to the life I lived but now, what I do in helping others get healthy, keeps me on my toes. 

While I was in the process of releasing my weight and then maintaining it for a year in a half, I remember people asking me.. "did you every cheat?" for the most part, I just went for it and didn't look back and to many people I felt they couldn't relate to me because of that. Now, knowing I got back into the food and have struggled the last few months has been PERFECT because it's given me true empathy for those struggling. It's not that I can't remember what it was like back then.. but time has a way of really making it hard sometimes to remember what it felt like. I KNOW and am experiencing the pain that goes with not feeling like I can control my desire to eat. 

Thank God, today I am at peace about it and am choosing to make healthy choices. I will write more about this and feel free to share your feelings and thoughts. We are all in this together and it's important to get out of isolation. These struggles DON'T make you bad.. they just are what you get to experience in life and teach you to dig deep to get healthy. 

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for this Becky. I really needed it. Our paths have been similar. I lost 75 pounds and thought that I wouldn't have to worry about that trial again, that it was behind me. I had learned to eat good food and use it only for fuel and not as a drug as I had in the past. I guess I got a little prideful and lost the humility that I had gained in my weight loss journey. Over the last 6 months 30 pounds have crept back on. I, too, feel/felt out of control. I am praying that I will be able to lose those 30 pounds plus the last 15 that I still needed to get to my goal.
    Thank you for being an inspiration to those around you.

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  2. Becky- I was surfing around facebook and was looking at some recent pictures from Lavery's visit to Kenton and then some of Wendel's folks and I noticed a comment from you with your before and after picture. I clicked on it and was surprised! I have seen you up in Centerville several times but was unaware you were using the program. For some reason I thought you were a distributor that hadn't dealt with weight loss but was doing the business. Anyway- it brought me to your site and even though I don't know you and at the risk of appearing weird, I wanted to leave you a message of congratulations! of- I'm inspired by your story! and of appreciation for a wonderful program in SMS. I wish you the best and hope you continue to experience great moments of clarity, success and happiness on your journey.

    God Bless,

    Matt

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