I was reminded again today as I laid on the floor in my yoga class this morning staring at the ceiling in one specific place for a period of time, how awesome it feels to just be silent in my mind. What a gift, to be so present that there was a nothingness about the moment other than the thoughts and emotions I was observing. Back in the day, I would have been thinking about the laundry I had to do, how uncomfortable I was with my body, what were other people thinking of me or am I doing this right? Always thinking something was wrong with me or the moment and it should be a different way. To now just be in such a place of gratitude for whatever emotions, thoughts or feelings that come and not judging them is absolutely BEAUTIFUL.
So what I have learned is when I am present, I am not fearing the future nor trying to control the past. In the past couple of years I have seen a huge shift in my perception as it pertains to fear and control. When I find myself going into this place of either, I know I am living outside of the NOW... so I breathe and bring myself back to the NOW and know that all I have is the NOW .. the present moment.
So here are a few things I do as I find myself drifting whether I am with others.. or by myself. I take a couple of HUGE breathes. These are breathing from the core of my belly not from my chest or shoulders. It's amazing the amount of tension that is released just from doing this. I also meditate. It is not uncommon for me to just stop what I am doing, lay down on the floor of my office or in bed in the middle of the day and just sit. Wipe all the thoughts from my mind as if I were staring at a totally blank white board. At first, I felt uncomfortable with this as my mind was full of all kinds of different thoughts, but soon I learned to turn those off for a bit. Sometimes I want to think NOTHING.. and other times, I want to receive inspiration.
Short story, about a month ago, I was right in the middle of a HUGE creation spurt where I was really needing to get all the content that I have built up over the past couple of years out on paper. I was in the need of creating content for workshops, books, blogs, speaking gigs.. and etc. So I found myself laying on the floor of my office with the warm sun shining down on me through my office window and while listening to Shamanick music, asking the question in my mind.."God, please help me purge all these different concepts I have had racing in my head for the last couple of years!" It didn't take long to open that portal of information. Here I was laying there with a pen and paper next to me and WHAM... all the content came RUSHING in my mind almost too fast I couldn't write quick enough. So I would write and then go back to meditation and more would come and I would lean over and write some more and then repeat that several times. It was soo AMAZING to experience this. Next thing I knew I had 4 pages chalked full of content. It didn't stop there, I didn't go anywhere the next week without my binder with a couple of more empty pages to fill and as soon as another idea popped into my head, I wrote it down. 3 pages later, I was shocked to see so much AMAZING content that was hidden deep inside of me. It felt great to finally have it all in one place.
What I learned most from that experience is, it's important to take the time to be silent and to ask the right question and then most importantly.. LISTEN and take lots of notes. It's AMAZING what incredible knowledge and power we have within us when we take time to slow down and allow it to flow freely from us. From all that content I got written down that week, will come everything I need to finish my books, tv show ideas and concepts, radio themes, blog entries.. etc. What a gift! What a blessing I have been given when I learned how to be present and in the moment.
When it comes to relationships, my dear former fiance taught me how to truly BE present with him and what a gift that was for us to have had that type of connection. When you can look into each others eyes for an hour without speaking a word but communicate in such a way that there was no question in our minds about the gratitude we feel for each other.. it's INCREDIBLE. It's a spiritual connection, one more deeply than any words can convey. Just like with anything in life, I KNOW for a fact that everything happens for a reason and with each relationship and friendship we have, we are given nuggets of gold.. gifts from above. I am grateful for him and what he has taught me about me.